195 - The Laws of Friendship Groups 👬🧑🤝🧑
Hey there, !
A NEW FRAMEWORK APPEARS - this time for group friendships #wearesoback. I thought it would be fun to think about what kinds of things contribute to longevity of group friendships, and why others might fall by the wayside.
Critique away :D
Law 1: Groups must have a thing
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Whether that thing is 'we went to high school ages ago' or 'we love bouldering' or 'we suffered through a shithouse singles mixer' - you gotta have a thing that has brought you guys together
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The corollary to this is that longevity of the group depends on shared values and actually being able to get along - otherwise you wouldn't be friends in the first place...
Law 2: Groups must do a thing
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When you're getting together, it has to be something you do - like, if it's a potluck dinner, or bouldering, or boardgames - it's something you're congregating for. It doesn't have to always be the same thing, and you don't even have to do the thing if you're not up for it, but it gives a social excuse to hang out.
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It may or may not relate to Law 1 in terms of why you're hanging out, but that reason can shift and change over time anyway.
Law 3: Groups must have sub-groups
- If you don't have sub-groups within the group, then the only reason you hang out is because of that group, and the cohesion of the group will suffer if you don't feel connected to it for other reasons. 'Oh, Person X who we both mutually know and want to hang out with, but we don't want to hang out specifically with each other, isn't available? Let's reschedule'.
- In addition, each of the subgroups may have their own Law 2 that they share, which means they might have alternate reasons to be hanging out, so that if the original reason for hanging doesn't happen any more (e.g. like a sports team disbands) then you're still hanging out as a group.
Law 4: Groups must be attended on a cadence
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Even if that cadence is yearly, it's a way to ensure that there's something to look forward to, and is predictable. Or it could even be a cadence of 'when the Dees are playing in Melbourne' - something that people can vaguely expect and plan for.
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In addition, it has to have attendance, for obvious reasons. If it's a group of 7 and you get 4 people, that's still okay! It's about creating those shared experiences (see Law 2) that become the glue and the connection across the group.
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Also, that would constitute a sub-group, so see Law 3.
If you're in a group, or you're trying to diagnose why the group ain't happenin' - maybe these laws will help?
I'm sure there's more to write about the types of roles that would sit within a friendship group, but it's late when I'm writing this and I don't have the mindspace for it...ominous times ahead - time to get cracking on that backlog!
Chat soon :)
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✔️Real Life Recommendations
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Promising Young Woman - a film by Emerald Fennell, starring Carey Mulligan. The message of the story is pretty intense, and a bit overt for a movie, but it was still a well told story - I don't know why but I think I really like watching a revenge story? I had big Godfather vibes in a weird way...:D
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Triangle of Sadness - call this a hike because godDAMN there are highs and lows. This movie is a bit of a satire of class, and power structures - fine - but in some places drags just a bit too much, and with some weird character choices. BUT THEN some of the scenes are absolutely INCREDIBLE in terms of acting and cinematography - one extremely memorable one about a dinner in a storm. It has no reason to slap so hard but I appreciate a movie that leans into it's premise as hard as it can. No spoilers - just go take a watch :D
🚌 Adventures on the Information Super-Highway
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Money Is the Megaphone of Identity - a really nice explainer about how money ties to identity, and what wealth means to different people - with a great visual explanation and metaphor as well. Very 'Wait but Why' vibes which I adore!
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Organs for Sale; Organ Clearing House - no, not those types of organs, the musical instruments! Fascinating website selling organs in the US!
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Redditor creates working anime QR codes using Stable Diffusion | Ars Technica - this looks SICK I extremely want to do this!