165 - Roll for Stealth 🤫
Hey there, !
“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.” - Robert A. Heinlein
I can do very few of these things, but one thing I thought about was to try and start a series on random thoughts of how to think about what I’d do with things that could be on this list. In this edition, because it’s the main one I’ve been thinking about over the years, how to evade security.
I think about this…a bit too often. As a consultant, I’m always going to new offices, often accompanied by long security check-ins, forms to get access, and security guards or turnstiles that only open with the right authorisation.
However, there are a couple of ways that I’ve seen to infiltrate. Obviously, very dependent on the layout of the office, but some to think about:
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Alternative entries: Sometimes, it’s as easy as looking at whether there’s a different way to get in. Can you go through a different lift or entry way? Is there a place on the side that you see is like a group visitor entry? (I’ve observed both of these at offices I’ve been at!) Just go through there looking like the weight of the world is on you and be let through as a normal office worker.
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Ask for a temporary pass: Sometimes this works, but requires you to know a bit more about the company - I know that with certain companies if you know an email or can pass for someone specifically, they’ll let you into the building to go and sign up with security, in which case you’re in the building!
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While they’re distracted: Knowing how people only have set attention spans, and can’t always track people all the time, make sure you overwhelm / shield with a group of people, and slip by with confidence. I’ve seen this work with mainly multiple guards like…casino guards or even myki transport officers, where they can’t track everyone, and assume that other people may have already checked you.
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Confidence: is key - at least, that’s what Catch Me If You Can taught me. Most of the time I realised that liquor stores or clubs - if you seem like it’s boring or you belong there, people are less likely to think you’re out of place. I have also heard that holding a clipboard or having a lanyard essentially makes you look like a tradie / office worker, and also reduce the likelihood that you’ll be asked or searched for. I’ve never tried it but…O_O
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Once you’re in: sneaking in behind people in lifts or places that require passes is as easy as walking in on lifts with other people and going into doors with them. A lot of people aren’t really going to check, especially at big companies where you probably don’t know much of the team anyway (and also new post-COVID life)!
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More advanced research: I have often thought about offices where you have to ‘ask’ for someone to come and get you - wouldn’t this information be easy to get from somewhere like LinkedIn? Would it be possible to con your way in by requesting someone you know won’t be able to come get you, and then see if you can rely on the kindness of others to get scanned in anyway?
Not 100% sure why I’ve written this. I’m sure it will be useful someday…:D
(I’ll try to learn how to uh…conn a ship next? What does that even mean…)
Chat soon :)
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✔️Real Life Recommendations
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LUME - Monet and Friends - it’s back, baby! Another wonderful exhibition, interactive, classical music, the whole shebang. I have to say that I liked this less than Van Gogh - it didn’t have as much of a story, but the it had ~ vibes ~ and that’s the most important part. Highly recommended as a fun place to go and chill out for an afternoon :)
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Kariton Sorbetes - I love Kori, but waHOW this was a surprise. There was a bunch of fun flavours (pandan, melon, ube), but also a bunch of different products as well - like ice cream sandwiches, lamingtons and cakes. It was actually quite eye opening to see that they found horizontal products to expand out into, rather than just have lots and lots of flavours. I think I still like Kori a little bit more (classics done well) but Kariton has pleasantly delighted me! Highly recommended.
🚌 Adventures on the Information Super-Highway
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Making an OnlyFans for Saucy Victorian Ankle Pics. (But why the historical ankle obsession?) - my absolutely FAVOURITE YouTube find in the last week or so - a dress historian makes an OnlyFans for ankle pics and it pops off. Hilarious, educational, weird and super impressive (she uses a drone to take a picture of herself lying on her carpet? we love new tech for old things).
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Finding the Darkest Pencil - I love niche shit, and here’s one for you - what pencil gives you the darkest shade of black?
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The Infinite Conversation - another weird find - an infinite conversation between Werner Herzog and Slavoj Zizek, both well known for monologuing in weird, long, drawn-out ways. The conversational AI has been built off their many, many speeches, and the voices are also trained on their voices. Highly unintelligble, difficult to understand, but cool application of technologies.