Is it okay to look forward to Spring?
The weekend that just passed was the first time in 2022 that it really felt like we were coming out of the seasonal gloom. I'm not calling it Spring yet, but it's definitely coming into view.
Saturday I spent hours shovelling soil around on the allotment, the constant strenuous activity making it t-shirt weather in our sheltered spot in the sun. Seed planting is on my mind, but prepping the new beds taking all my energy at the moment. Body already sore, Sunday I went on a queer group hike around Ladybower reservoir and up to Bamford Edge in the Peaks. Drinking a cider in the pub garden at the end, basking without a cloud in the sky, I felt solar powered.
By the end of March we'll have daylight till 7:30pm. I keep going to therapy, I keep avoiding social media doomscrolling, I'm cautiously making social plans, I don't look at the news too often. I tell myself that things will get better, that there are things to look forward to. Even the allotment work I'm doing is an investment for the future, toiling and improving our patch of land is worth it, because we could be using it for 30? 40? 50? years, not to mention who we could be passing it along to.
Inside I'm arguing with myself: the nags of guilt that to preserve my own sense of wellbeing, I'm not paying enough attention to the shit going on in the world. Another part of my brain reminds myself of Rebecca Solnit's work: (and here I'm paraphasing from memory) she argues that while blind optimism is unhelpful, hope is active, you have to have hope to have the energy to fight for a better world. I'm trying to re-connect to my ability to daydream about a wild, ideal future. How do we create something if we don't imagine it first?
Food 🍔
I tried the McDonalds vegan burger. The last time I remember going to McDonalds for anything other than the loos was when I was 16 years old, on a date, and the lad I was with insisted on going (what a swooner!). Idk, the burger was fine, but I could easily go another 18 years without it. I'm pro more vegan options everywhere though, even if I'm not gonna make use of it myself.
Sky Report 🐕
She came along with me on Sunday's hike, and had The Best Day Ever. Running about, lots of fuss, lots of treats. She seemed to really enjoy being part of a human pack too. Then she got home and napped hard for about 24 hours.
Saturday I spent hours shovelling soil around on the allotment, the constant strenuous activity making it t-shirt weather in our sheltered spot in the sun. Seed planting is on my mind, but prepping the new beds taking all my energy at the moment. Body already sore, Sunday I went on a queer group hike around Ladybower reservoir and up to Bamford Edge in the Peaks. Drinking a cider in the pub garden at the end, basking without a cloud in the sky, I felt solar powered.
By the end of March we'll have daylight till 7:30pm. I keep going to therapy, I keep avoiding social media doomscrolling, I'm cautiously making social plans, I don't look at the news too often. I tell myself that things will get better, that there are things to look forward to. Even the allotment work I'm doing is an investment for the future, toiling and improving our patch of land is worth it, because we could be using it for 30? 40? 50? years, not to mention who we could be passing it along to.
Inside I'm arguing with myself: the nags of guilt that to preserve my own sense of wellbeing, I'm not paying enough attention to the shit going on in the world. Another part of my brain reminds myself of Rebecca Solnit's work: (and here I'm paraphasing from memory) she argues that while blind optimism is unhelpful, hope is active, you have to have hope to have the energy to fight for a better world. I'm trying to re-connect to my ability to daydream about a wild, ideal future. How do we create something if we don't imagine it first?
Food 🍔
I tried the McDonalds vegan burger. The last time I remember going to McDonalds for anything other than the loos was when I was 16 years old, on a date, and the lad I was with insisted on going (what a swooner!). Idk, the burger was fine, but I could easily go another 18 years without it. I'm pro more vegan options everywhere though, even if I'm not gonna make use of it myself.
Sky Report 🐕
She came along with me on Sunday's hike, and had The Best Day Ever. Running about, lots of fuss, lots of treats. She seemed to really enjoy being part of a human pack too. Then she got home and napped hard for about 24 hours.
(photo by Ingrid)
(photo by another queer hiker)
I had to leave Sky on her own in the house for a few hours, after I got in she ended up falling asleep on me for like 20 minutes, till the situation got too uncomfortable for both of us.
I had to leave Sky on her own in the house for a few hours, after I got in she ended up falling asleep on me for like 20 minutes, till the situation got too uncomfortable for both of us.
Upcoming
It's my birthday on the 19th, and I've been trying to Make Plans. But after 2 pandemic at-home birthday in a row, I think I might have forgotten how to celebrate them? I'm working on the day, tabling at an art fair, then flying solo in the evening. I've taken the week after off work, but have zero plans. What do I do?? Suggestions truly gratefully received.
Little things I've enjoyed
- The Jewish Museum - it re-opened last July after a 2-year closure to build an extension. The collection's objects and recorded oral histories tell stories of migration and local Jewish history. The actual building is stunning - a former Spanish and Portuguese synagogue. My favourite parts are the stained glass windows, that look more like illuminated paintings.
- Books: The Transgender Issue: An Argument for Justice by Shon Faye. The Third Person by Emma Grove (an incredible and emotional graphic novel - I highly recommend reading it when it comes out in May).
- Film: 15 Minutes of Shame: a documentary by Max of Catfish and Monica Lewinsky about people who've been shamed on the internet. I was worried it was going to be a moral panic about cancel culture, but it was actually about the history and psychology of public shaming, some examples of normal people who've had their lives ruined by the media or public figures, and internet bullying - especially of marginalised people.
- Podcasts: The Trojan Horse Affair - the newest one from Serial, about the fake conspiracy that Islamic extremists were trying to infiltrate some Birmingham schools, which led to things like Prevent. From what I've read some of the reporting needs to be taken with a pinch of salt (like all reporting aye?) but the gist of it taught me a lot about what happened.
- I deleted my Facebook account!! It feels good.
- It's pancake day!!! It tastes good.
take care,
Vicky xx
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