October Round-up
October had a lot going on. New York Comic Con, Boston Book Festival, revisions, new classes, opening a business, etc etc… And also, getting officially diagnosed with autism. I say “officially” because prior to seeing a psychiatrist who specialized in autism diagnoses, a lot of my friends (who are also autistic) looked at me and said, “Hey, I think you’re autistic.” We jokingly called it “peer-reviewed autism”, though I didn’t think too much of it at the time. In fact, I thought it was most likely just ADHD (which I got officially diagnosed with back in September). Turns out, you can have both! Who knew?
I don’t know how to feel about it, to be honest. I mean, it makes sense in hindsight. For so much of my life, I felt like I was white-knuckling my way through the world, from forcing myself to stop my echolalia as a child, to curling my toes when I had to smile for pictures, remembering to make small talk before making a request (I always found it efficient to just get to the point), my dislike of certain food textures, the burnout I feel after a simple conversation, etc…
Apparently, through all of this, I was masking, which is a strategy that autistic people use to appear neurotypical. I didn’t know I was masking. I knew I was putting in a lot of energy to be normal. But I also thought that everyone else was doing the same thing! I thought we were all struggling together!
And yet, here I have a psychiatrist telling me, “no, most people actually don’t peel their skin and crackle their knuckles constantly”. Okay, I knew that, but I didn’t know why I was the only one who did. I thought I was just weird and introverted. I didn’t think my interests were my “special interests”, I thought they were just niche. And how is it autistic to build a routine based off the available energy you have, therefore locking you into a pre-planned daily and/or weekly schedule? I don’t know, but I guess the whole time, it was!
My mom said that when I was growing up, no one said I was autistic. I believe her—because I was a young Black girl, and young Black girls aren’t necessarily the poster children for autism. We’re under-diagnosed. Unless we are routinely acting out in classes (which usually just gets us sent to juvie), no one really bats an eye. And besides, I was always considered a “gifted” kid. I did really well in school. I was quiet and well-behaved. No one would call that autism.
Still, I had trouble interacting with other neurotypical people, especially at length. Verbal conversations burn me out like a blowtorch against a candle. It’s one of the reasons why I don’t leave my home too often. I think my ideal friend group would have to be one where I am not expected to speak very often, but still treated as part of the group and invited/included in all group activities. Like Quinni in Heartbreak High (it’s a show on Netflix).
I’m hesitant to go around telling people I’m autistic, though. I think it sets them up for thinking that all autistic people can mask as well as I do, which can be a burden on other autistics who have higher level support needs. If there’s one thing I don’t like doing, it’s pretending to be the face of an entire community. My autism won’t necessarily be a secret, but until I fully process what this means for me, I don’t want to dominate conversations about autism. I just want to be.
Whoo, now that we got THAT out of the way—let me tell you what’s next for me!
Events:
Nov 8th: First, I’m going to be at the Edgar Allen Poe Cottage in the Bronx, to talk about my newest book, We Came To Welcome You: A Novel of Suburban Horror. There’s going to be food, artwork, and even a sneak peek at a TTRPG set in the same world as Burn Down, Rise Up. The whole event will start at 7pm EST so don’t be late! (Don’t think you’ll be able to make it? Don’t worry! I’ll post a PDF of the TTRPG on my socials and website after the event.)
Nov 12nd: I will be celebrating the launch of Dead Girls Don’t Dream by Nino Cipri, a YA Horror that has me on the edge of my seat! It will be at the Astoria Bookshop from 7pm to 8pm EST. You can RSVP here: https://astoriabookshop.com/events/1221320241112
Nov 22nd: Okay now back to me! If you missed me on Nov 8th, don’t worry! I’ll be doing another talk for my book at the Doylestown Bookstore, starting at 6pm EST. You can find the event here: https://www.doylestownbookshop.com/tirado Alright, that’s it for this month’s roundup—I’ll see you again in 30 days!