Autism, Bullying, and Exclusion
Note: This is based on my experience growing up with undiagnosed autism that I only really found out about in my 20’s. It’s a subject I don’t talk about often, but I’d like to change that.
Autistic people are not always bullied in overt, obvious ways. It's not always name calling and taunting that can immediately be reported to a teacher (though even in those cases, it often isn't, or the teacher does nothing even when it is). Sometimes it's subtle enough that the autistic person doesn't even realize it's happening. Other times, they may suspect that it's happening, but they know they'll just be told they're being too sensitive or imagining malicious intent when there is none.
How does this happen? Sometimes these microagressions simply involve making the autistic person feel inferior by pointing out their flaws or something they're doing wrong. Something they'd get right if only they were more "normal." It could be the way they wear their clothes, the fact that they're stimming, their mannerisms, their movements, something they said that was incorrect. The list goes on and on. Whatever it is, it will be pointed out in a way that is condescending and makes them feel inferior. Consciously or not, it is done to establish power, to remind the autistic person that they are not "normal" and the other person is. This is how a lot of bullying towards autistic people happens. While it may not be as obvious as other forms, it should be taken just as seriously, but unfortunately it is virtually ignored. It still causes a lot of harm and trauma to autistic people because they are sent the message, over and over again in daily interactions, that something is wrong with them and that they are inferior to everyone else.
It is important to note that it is not just the class bully who engages in this bullying towards autistic people. It could be their friends, family members, teachers, doctors, coworkers. All people that the autistic person ideally shouldn't have to anticipate bullying or lack of respect from. These people overall may not have bad intentions and they may care about the autistic person, but their own biases about autism or their personal insecurities come out in their interactions with the autistic person in their lives. They should still be held accountable, although it may be difficult, because they can always say they "didn't mean anything by it" or act like the autistic person is "imagining" things - and many will likely side with the neurotypical person. If someone finds themselves guilty of making an autistic person feel bad about themselves, they should apologize regardless of their intent.
Exclusion is another form of bullying autistic people that often happens while they are growing up. The autistic person may be a part of a friend group without feeling fully accepted by them. They may notice that they frequently hear about events they aren't invited to (or see them posted on social media). They may ask to be included in something, only to be given some vague excuse like "there isn't enough room for another person." There may be some people who are less accepting of the autistic person than others in the group, and being in the presence of people who don't accept them can make the autistic person uncomfortable and feel like they aren't really a part of that group. Feeling excluded and not accepted by their own friend group can really cause a lot of trauma for the autistic person and contribute to their feeling of having something "wrong" with them. The clique-ish behavior may seem like a petty issue that everyone deals with at some point, but for autistic people, this can also be experienced in adulthood and it often results in trauma no matter when it happens.
It is important for autistic people to be surrounded by those who truly accept us and allow us be ourselves. We need to be reminded that there is nothing wrong with us just because we have trouble conforming to neurotypical society’s rigid rules and expectations. It is important for neurotypical people to be reminded that autism is not a "disorder" or "disease" that needs to be cured, we can live fulfilling lives just as we are when we are given more accommodations. Making the world more accessible and kind to autistic people is all we need to thrive. However good you may think your intentions are, you don’t need to "fix us" by pointing out the ways we fail to conform to what neurotypicals foolishly expect of all people.