New year, same cosmic nonsense. Find your sign and pretend the stars have something to say about your 2026.

Virgo

The planets are in their positions. Astrology claims this matters. You're skeptical but reading anyway—peak Virgo behavior. Someone's going to ask for your help today, and here's the thing: you can say no. Revolutionary concept, we know. Not "no, but let me suggest seventeen alternatives." Just no. You've spent enough Decembers overextending. The new year gets to start with you protecting your energy. They'll survive. You'll feel weird about it for exactly forty-five minutes and then suspiciously free. That's the goal.

The stars have opinions. They're wrong, but they're confident.