Unfolding Insight 2: Tuning in to the voice in the head
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Neurologists reckon we have over 6,000 thoughts a day. While there’s a bunch of those that help us navigate life, there’s a whole heap that are profoundly unhelpful and keep us stuck.
It’s these thoughts — the ones that sound like a constant, micro-managing inner monologue running on repeat, a voice in the head if you will — to which I want to bring our awareness.
Why?
Because through becoming aware of them, and changing our relationship with them, we can start to unfold in to life with a little more ease and a little more grace, and that's what I'm all about.
Here’s what these thoughts might sound like:
“You look fat!”
“What is he even thinking of you? It's gotta be bad...”
“Fuck, why did you fuck that up!?”
“What are you going to say to her? How are you going to impress her?”
“You didn’t go to the gym this morning…”
“This email is fucking stupid. Nobody's gonna read it 🙄”
Although most of us often experience these thoughts as a literal voice in our head speaking words to us, sometimes we might feel their presence in our bodies too. I’ve experienced shockwaves of shame or punishment or plain ol’ ick course through me when a negative thought comes to mind. In our mind’s eye, we might even see a critical face bearing down on us, heaving, spitting, or snarling as it throws a snide remark our way.
But however we experience the voice, it’s very often relentless. On and on it goes, abusing us from the inside, telling us who and what and how we should be in the world.
Now, as much as I'd like to say that it's possible to be completely rid of it, the voice in the head never goes completely away. But we can have a different kind of relationship with it if we can bring awareness to it and, ultimately, start to welcome it.
Let’s try a little exercise to bring the voice out of the shadow and in to the light, so that we might see it and start get to know it a little better.
Set yourself up in a quiet space where you wont be disturbed. Have a pen and a piece of paper handy.
Settle in and set a timer for 5 minutes.
Listen out for the voice in the head and write down what it’s saying, stream-of-conscious style. Just keep the pent moving.
You’ll know the voice because it already speaks to you hundreds of times a day, over and over again.
It’ll usually be the first thing that comes to mind, and it’s often negative or like a nagging parent or boss.
Are you hearing it? Are you seeing it? What about feeling it? Maybe it’s all three…
However it's coming to you, just keep the pen moving as the voice keeps talking, until the 5 minutes is up.
Now take a look back at what you’ve written out.
How does it feel to know that this kind of chatter is bubbling away in the back of your mind, 24/7?
How does it feel to know that you’ve got this abusive voice trying to keep you small all the time?
What would it feel like to have that voice be quiet more often?
And what would life be like if, when the voice speaks, you can engage with it as a peer, and not as some put-upon kid?
If you like, hit reply and let me know what your voice in the head had to say. I'd love to know how it shows up for you.
Over the next few emails, we’ll dive deeper in to these questions, and work our way towards some answers.
I'll catch you next week!
In the meantime, if you'd like to jump in to your own exploration of how the voice in the head might be holding you back from unfolding in to life, I'd love to explore that with you, too. You can check out my coaching offer at unfoldi.ng or email me directly
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