Tris Talks... May downpours bring April newsletters...
I am embarrassed to be sending this today. In fact, it’s been a struggle to edit and get it sent out ever since it didn’t go out on May 1st, when I first drafted it. So here it is, several days later, well into the month that isn’t the one where I was supposed to send this newsletter, and I’m… embarrassed.
But it needs to be sent out. And well, I’m going to edit it, but leave the original that I wrote in place. Maybe write a little more at the end. Because completely redrafting it is beyond me at the moment. Yes, my brain is that fried. So. Here we go…
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It’s not April.
This is obvious, considering it’s the first of May. But at the same time, I wasn’t ready for a new month. I’d spent time last weekend preparing things I’d need to roll my bullet journal into a new month… then promptly left all of that sitting in my office last night instead of packing it for work. Whoops.
I’ll be working from home tomorrow, and simply knowing that fact is enough to allow me to take a deep breath and try to settle my mind. A hint of control over life, for even a few hours, sounds like bliss.
I didn’t get a lot written in April. It was a very one step forward, two steps sliding back kind of month. I had some wonderful days where I was able to put everything aside and my brain fell into the space where it could brainstorm and make words. I did some brainstorming for the next 7Lakes book. I edited the chapter of ITS that came my way (um, I think that was during April).
I thought a lot about writing in April. I may not have been putting words on paper, but ideas about both stories and meta about how stories work have been swirling around in my brain like a chaotic flock of migrating geese. About as annoying and noisy as well.
A part of me says I should save the thoughts on the meta of writing for a blog entry, but hey, if not here, when? I’ve been thinking about pacing these last few weeks. About how something that seems slow to one person can be a quick read for someone else, and vice versa. About how we don’t all see stories the same way. Some people like plots set to an unrelenting pace, non-stop, no rests for the characters, simply pushing through until it’s done. I like plots that have spaces for myself and the characters to breathe; I find unrelenting to be exceedingly anxiety-inducing, which means I put it down, which slows down my reading.
I suppose some of that goes with technique, too, like the way short, sharp sentences can also induce anxiety. More thinking for the future, I guess. How can I use this all in a positive way in my own writing, without sacrificing what I like about pacing a story with breathers so the characters aren’t overwhelmed? I love those quiet moments.
I suppose that’s one of the things I love about writing fanfic. So many fics are all about the quiet moments, aren’t they?
Anyway. I’d like to say that in May I’ll turn all this thinking into actual words, but that’s highly unlikely. I leave next week for a ten day vacation (my youngest is graduating from college, so we decided this’d be a fun time for a family trip, right?). I haven’t even managed to arrange care for all the pets—the dog’s boarding is set, but I haven’t arranged someone to look in on the cats. Sighs. Proactiveness is not my forte lately.
There’s been a lot going on. Stuff that’s not mine, but y’know, I’m support staff in the endeavor! Plus we’ve been racing to get our RV campsite opened, which has hit roadblock on top of roadblock. This weekend is opening weekend at the campground and we still have a TON to do to move into our new site. No time to breathe. What was that I literally just said about an unrelenting pace? I suspect part of the reason I don’t enjoy it much in reading is that all too often it feels as if that’s what life is like… one thing piled on top of the other and never a moment to rest.
It makes great drama, but not great peace of mind. Nor is it good for mental health.
Where was I? Oh yes, how busy May is. Camp this weekend, which means building things, moving things, cleaning things, and several long dog walks. Then the trip with the family. Then a few days at home for day job, then back on the road down to Balticon. When we’re finally home after that, it’s right back to work, and camp, and social things that are already filling the schedule for summer. Phew.
I think I’d like to sleep for a week just thinking about it.
My goal for May is to let go. Stop stressing about what I’m not doing, and instead, focus on what my brain decides to cough up as a good thing that it might be willing to do despite the stress.
Reading. Maybe making notes on the novel that isn’t PHU or 7Lakes. Knitting. Today I wore a cardigan I made with my own hands! Maybe I’ll even do a little art. Mm, wouldn’t that be nice? Sitting by the water at camp. Playing games with the husband; we started our annual Rummikub summer tournament last weekend and he won the first two games. I need to catch up!
Mostly, I’d like to recover. I know there are a lot more hits coming, and I need to be ready to handle them. Which means I need to breathe while I can. Recover because life IS unrelenting. And I need to be ready to ride the rollercoaster without screaming.
I hope everyone out there is getting a chance to breathe.
Take care of yourselves.
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And here we are… we did go to camp this past weekend. We got drenched several times (hello pouring rain for days). We moved a lot of things. After Kevin’s trip out there tonight, we should be DONE, aside from actually putting things in proper places next time we go to camp. In June. I suspect we shall arrive there, take one look at the outdoor kitchen, and be like… wait, how are we supposed to make dinner???
It’ll work out.
For the rest of the month, yes, recovery. But also, I need to give myself grace to let go and not be angry about what’s not getting done. I know ahead of time it will not happen, so make peace with it.
And I should send this before it becomes the end of May and it merges with the next newsletter, huh?
Again. Thank you for being here. <3
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