Top Dogs of 2023
A short programming note before we get started: The platform I used to host this newsletter on, TinyLetter, is about to shut down, so I've switched over to Buttondown. If anything seems funky with your subscription, let me know.
HI!
Welcome to the Top Dogs of 2023.
I have a lot to show you and I'm impatient, so let's dive right in.
First of all, here's Baby.
Did you know that this year, over 200 dogs gathered so a man turning 100 could pet them? Or that 488 golden retrievers convened in Scotland? Or that two dogs named Sundrop and Moonbeam hunt rats in Brooklyn?
They're all good dogs. But only a few can be the Top. Let's go.
15. Caught red handed
14. Kai, hearing a voicemail about himself
13. Life is like a hurricane, isn't it Leia
12. So thirsty
11. My own Hambone Award Winners
This is the year that I learned about the Hambone Awards, which is a goofy thing created by an insurance corporation to get people to buy pet insurance that I also genuinely laughed at:
But since the 2023 winner was a cat, I am nominating a few of my own for the award:
12. This nosey lady
11. A good senior dog after her vet appointment
10. "He decided to have explosive diarrhea in the car and this is how it ended."
9. The Beach Effect
8. Striker, smooth brain icon
7. Tacoma, an unshakeable Met Gala security dog
6. Just call her Harry Houdini
5. Pride is not the word I'm looking for, there's so much more inside me now
3-4. Spike and Bobi, two literal Old Boys
Way back in January 2023, the world was aflutter with the news that a new Oldest Dog Distinction (aka ODD, a thing I just made up) had just dropped, which crowned Spike the Chihuahua the World's Oldest Living Dog. At 23, Spike seems to live the good life on a farm in Ohio. "When he was younger, he tried intimidating the cows and horses by barking and trying to chase them," Rita, his human, told the Guinness Book. "Now they just stare at him and don’t even move." Spike was poised to enjoy his ODD for the rest of his days.
But a mere two weeks later, the unthinkable happened. Enter: Bobi.
At 30 years and 268 days old, Bobi swept in from Portugal with an origin story rivaling that of a superhero to not only achieve the ODD, but the ODTELED (Oldest Dog That Ever Lived, Ever, Distinction). And with that, Bobi, a Rafeiro do Alentejo breed of livestock guardian dog, broke the 84-year-old record previously held by Bluey the Australian cattle dog, who died in 1939 at age 29.
And then, eight months later in October 2023, Bobi passed away at 31 years of age. The world mourned. Spike reclaimed his ODD. End of story, right?
WRONG, says journalism. In December, Wired published a searing investigation, calling into question not only Bobi's real age, but the true nature of the entire Guinness World Record Industrial Complex. It spans from Portugal to Hungary to Japan, and consults some of the leading dog coat color experts in the world. Plus: "I asked the three top pet food brands whether they were involved in a conspiracy to undermine the world’s oldest ever dog." The intrigue!
"Well, those of us in the pet space know it never goes well when you threaten a multi-billion dollar empire." - Wired
Regardless of any human meddling, Top Dogs is nonetheless proud to proclaim that both Spike and Bobi are indeed, Top Dogs. And the Top Dogs Excellence In Journalism Distinction (TDEIJD) is unsurprisingly bestowed upon Matt Reynolds and Wired. (Better luck next year, Pro Publica.)
2. Bucket the Trash Dog
What can I say, I can't get enough of Bucket and her antics. She's dying to make friends with a tiny bird. She loves enormous sticks. She got stuck in a net once. (She also happens to have a human companion whose work I very much enjoy.)
1. Grinch Toes
Womp. As this year ends, I've got about one brain cell left. This one's been about as easy as trying to put a fitted sheet on a mattress while three great danes menace you. Yep, chaos reigns. But I'll remain hopeful for what's to come. May you wake up fresh each day, face your fears, and always be able to pay your rent. After all, whomst among us isn't just a little guy looking for a cozy spot or two? Just go at your own pace, and find the right fit. Joy will come (and maybe waffles). Maybe you'll have some good ideas. And if you're ever stuck, really stuck, take a moment, be thoughtful, and maybe someone will play with you. And remember, there's never a bad time for a perfectly placed strong opinion.
Blessings to you all and to all the wonderful dogs I know IRL. In the meantime, I'll just be over here wondering what you're all up to.
Eleanor
Correction: Last year's newsletter, Top Dogs of 2022, misrepresented Wessex King's relationship with the neighborhood chickens. He thinks the chickens run the subway, not that the subway is bothering them. Thanks to Christopher King for the correction.
