Oops.
(note: all images link out to their sources unless otherwise noted. be sure to click *display images*)

First, a short story. And a quick peek behind the curtain.

I spend all year collecting internet dogs. Every link and gif and meme and, previously, Vine (RIP) that has a dog and makes me laugh goes into an email draft. Then, at the end of the year, I click on every link, see which ones still make me laugh, and those go into this email that I send to all of you. So in late December of 2020, I readied myself one crisp winter morning to start in on the Top Dogs of 2020. I was ready to laugh. I was ready to cry (from laughing so hard). I opened my email draft. It was all there. Every link, etc. And a moment later...it wasn't. It was blank. No links. No memes. It all disappeared in an instant. I still don't know what happened. Reader: I cried. Real tears. So real my partner laughed at me, surprised. (He denies this.) And then comforted me. And gently suggested I keep track of all the dogs in a less unstable, accidentally-deletable format. So I switched to Google Docs. And now, on this crisp December morning in late 2021, I am perusing eleven (eleven!) pages of links and gifs and tiktoks and memes to bring you this annual letter. 

Were there more internet dogs this year? Did we desperately film anything remotely funny or cute that could bring us a moment's respite? Or did I just spend lots, lots more time online?

Regardless, I'm not going to waste any more time. We have a lot of Top Dogs to get through here. Let's go.

22. This dog 
 

"Does the pug have bones today?" is a sentence that now makes 100% total sense because of Noodle. He's been serenaded. He was on the Today Show. He inspired spin-offs. Even Dionne Warwick has weighed in: "That dog has earned no bones every day as far as I am concerned. Let the dog rest." Shout out to Noodle Graziano's owner, Jonathan, who has seemingly taken the fame and accolades in stride. 


20. Gus
Lee Pace, who is hot, got a great dog in 2016. And the dog is still great in 2021. 


19. This dog who knows how to drink water

18. Bernadette Nugget, who learned what a consequence is

17. Leo, who otherwise looks so innocent

16. Speaking of innocence...Charlie, who has no regrets

Shot:
Chaser: 


15. Brad, who is definitely not TA

"Brad #1 and I don't want any part of that nonsense so don't call me till you figure it out, Sarah."

14. Jasper, he of elegant paw


13. Beren, a Large Boy of Jaunty Ear

Once he was tiny. Now he is large. And a hero and friend to all. (As always, hi to Sansa!)


12. Just this little man and his stick
Because sometimes carrying a stick that 4x the size of your body can be a wonderful idea, or...

11. ...you're Sadie, and it's a horrible idea

10. Ava, a German Shepherd whose best friend is a blueberry


9. Bella the snackbandit


8. Barry Saxophone
I love Lindy West's newsletter Butt News with my whole entire soul and this missive (and also this one) about her dog Barry have made me laugh harder than almost anything this year.

"Speaking of nuts, this week Barry ate a five-pound bag of mixed nuts that we left on the coffee table overnight. It simply did not occur to me that my golden retriever would be interested in a five-pound bag of mixed nuts! I don’t even seal up his food bag half the time because I am lazy and I believe that stale food keeps him humble! He never touches it! When I woke up and found scraps of nut plastic all over the rug I assumed he’d just ripped up the bag for fun, and I was like “Oh no ha ha I’m going to have to pick up so many nuts,” but then an even worse outcome happened which was that there were no nuts. All of the nuts were in Barry’s colon. Because the nuts were mixed, I had to research each nut individually to find out if they were dog poison. Then Barry spent two days pooping out dry handfuls of whole, undigested mixed nuts, which sprayed out of his butt and clattered to the floor like one of those Skittle machines in the front of the barbershop. Seriously, you could have rinsed them off!"

Lindy also shared the heartwarming story of a dog called Grizzly on her instagram — go read it if you like stories about communities rallying together to reunite a lost dog and its owner.

7. Doja Dog


6. Prancer, “a haunted Victorian child in the body of a small dog”

"There's not a very big market for neurotic, man-hating, animal-hating, children-hating dogs that look like gremlins," declared a post from the person trying to help Prancer, a 13-pound "rage machine," find a new home. "I am tired and so is my family. Every day we live in the grips of the demonic Chihuahua hellscape he has created in our home."

Prancer needed someone who would meet him where he was. "He hates men more than women do, which says a lot," the post went on. "If you have a husband, don't bother applying, unless you hate him." Then Ariel Davis stepped in. Amber Jamieson at BuzzFeed News followed up with Davis and Prancer months later to find the pair thriving. "The light at the end of the tunnel? It was Prancer.”

5. Bon-Bon

4. Boji

Everybody loves Boji, the street dog that rides Istanbul's public transportation all day. 

5 minutes later: We regret to inform you that Boji pooped on a seat.

5 more minutes later: BOJI WAS FRAMED.
It was a politically-motivated smear campaign. Justice for Boji.

 

3. Larry. Excuse me, Larry.

2. Tilly, sheep herder

Honestly, this tweet says it all:
No one was seriously injured, and Tilly was totally fine. Plus he got to be on the news!

They even interviewed the sheep.

(And as longtime Top Dogs readers know, I love when dogs are on the news.) (Unrelated bonus: More good dogs on the news!)


1. This dog who's just rolling with it as chaos reigns 
First, the dulcet tones of "Piano Man" begin. You look deep into a husky's dark, knowing eyes. A twang of a harmonica. Suddenly: all hell breaks loose. I can't stop looking at the guy in the background who is Jim-from-the-Office'ing his way through it. Maybe you can relate?

WHAT A YEAR, FOLKS

Before I let you go, I want to give an honorable mention to a long-ago top dog; some may say the Top Dog of 1900-1901.
 

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Dogs in 2021 were loyal, clingy, floofy, and good neighbors. They fetched. They napped. They were named Paul and dug chicks. They were great at following directions and appreciated a good joke. They were there to support you face to face and persevered in the face of tragedy. They enjoyed a nice sunset and found precious objects. They knew that journalism was good and everything was fine. They took the path less traveled, went to the movies, and rode elevators. Whee!


Not to be dramatic, but I'm giving this past year the finger, and looking to the snowy days ahead. Maybe you're the goal-setting type, and if so, reach for the stars (or aim low, because we love attainable goals). If at any point you get mad and throw a tantrum, that's okay. Take a nap or a bath, meditate, or do some yoga until you perk up. We all have problems. When you feel like you just want to hide, take a moment to smell some flowers and look at the butterflies. Sing a beautiful song. There's always a learning curve, but I hope in 2022 you make friends (even if it's hard) and meet your heroes (and that they're cool). For the love of Babydog, get vaccinated. I hope we can reunite soon. And if you happen to do something bad...nobody's gonna know. (They're gonna know.)

Thank you to everyone who shared a Top Dog this year, including Kratu, Bim Adewunmi, Natalie Be'er, Tracy Clayton, Agerenesh Ashagre, Madeline Jacobs, Charlie Warzel, Anne Helen Petersen, and many more. If you like this newsletter, subscribe, and send it to your friends. 

Wondering about other Top creature contenders of the year? Top Beaver was definitely Rascal, who visited the subway in Toronto, while the Top Deer was this lil guy prancing across a beach. And I think there's no other choice for Top Llama than Mabel, who appeared on an episode of Personal Injury Court. I'll re-up my free idea that one of you should totally do a Top Birds annual newsletter because I would love to read it. (This year's Top Bird, by the way, was this jaunty crow, who was even endorsed by Hall & Oates. Followed closely by the "Satanic Nightjar.")

This is me by the time I emerge from writing this newsletter every year. 

Thanks guys,

Eleanor

 

 

wink!