Spring, or maybe summer
Hello friends,
Here we are, in spring, or maybe summer already.
In this email:
hope(-ful/-less)ness and what remains
dance updates and photos
two poems
some flowers (and frog)
A song: since I am building energy toward performance again, and also need comfort, one of my favorites by my favorite group for backstage prep time, when I need to be alert but also soothed - which this does for me. “Take Time” by The Books. I’d love to choreograph to this someday but it hasn’t happened yet.
What Remains
I continue to struggle with the reality of genocide happening live in full view of the world. I am not a news source or journalist; there are better sources for that kind of information than me, but neither can I pretend it is not happening. If you need a nudge to do something to advocate or support freedom for Palestine, let this be your nudge. Contact your reps, or make some notes so you’ll be ready when you have the spoons to do so. Support your local student encampments, even if it’s by stopping by with cookies; pressure your own alma mater if you have one. In addition to the major donation outlets, maybe you would like to hear about Operation Olive Branch (collating individual fundraisers) or join other broke-ass disabled people in supporting Crips for eSims for Gaza.
In addition to the existential moral horror of what people are willing to do to other people (generally by writing them off as not really people) I have been wrestling with the concepts of effectiveness and futility, hope and hopelessness. Often these are presented as a binary but in reality there is an enormous middle ground between “active” and “inactive”, or “empowered” and “powerless”, or “hope” and “hopelessness”. Most of us spend most of our time wandering that middle space between one end and another. All of it counts. “Making a difference” does not have to mean “changing the entire world”. “Hope” is anything you do that gets you closer to tomorrow, and we are all moving into the future, day by day.
If you have no hope - or not much - or it’s low today - or it feels futile - or keeping it aloft feels impossible - it remains true that:
you are still a human being, and precious;
you deserve the space for hope to grow someday, and even if it never does, you deserve a better, safer world where all our lives are valued, the future we move toward.
It is unconscionable that life continues, sometimes, that things can be so broken, evil, hopeless, lost, and still there is laundry and groceries and gardens and sunshine and bills, and yet: here we are. It all keeps going, and so do you. The world keeping going will take you with it. Keep going.
Dance momentum
I’ve been quietly gaining momentum toward actually being able to finish A Singular They (on film, not in-person). I’m back in the studio for ground work as of last month and have been in the aerial studio for a while. My home rig is set up. I’m talking to sites and helpers, and scheduling. It is actually happening, finally, seven years after the first pieces started development?? Probably.
It’s strange to do self-promotion right now: but this is one of those things that continues. It is what is happening to and for and by me, right now, alongside the world - in the world, too. (We are part of the world.) And being seen as a whole person in performance, as disabled and trans, still matters. And I want this thing to exist. I hope you’ll get to see it soon - maybe in about a year, to let us film this summer/fall and edit over the winter.
(I am looking for a smallish contained indoor space for one part of the show - think freight elevator, space under a grand set of stairs, large old disused walk-in closet. Do you know one? Tell me about it!)
Perhaps for now you’d like to see some photos. I held these back for a while because it has felt like such a strange time to take up space and say: look at me. But. I am still here.
Andreas made these photos at this fantastic barn (a possible filming site!) last fall, of me and Nicole Dagesse. There are some more on my instagram (no login required) and an even larger set available to patrons (at any level). Our photography day ended with some large-format black-and-white film photos that are simply exquisite (and if you’re local and looking for this kind of work, reach out to Andreas, he is lovely).
Two poems: “Night Tides”, “Rocking By”
“Night Tides” came out print-only last fall in Zig Zag Lit Mag and is now available (free, no login required) on my Patreon. This is a disability-body fantasy poem, floating and stranding, drifting and sinking.
And, last month I had a poem come out in EnbyLife magazine. “Rocking By” is a nonbinary-trans, inner-child-continuity comfort poem you can read for free. Let it give you a cuddle, maybe.
And some flowers
Spring came early with summer hot on its heels. The garden is growing fast. Irises are here, lilacs just going by, bush peonies on the cusp and tree peony (my fave) done. We had a ton of dandelions so I made honey dandelion cookies and dandelion lemon corn muffins. I learned how to de-rust my garden tools.The pond looks lush and two-plus frogs are already in residence. Here are a few recent pics to close us out.
Take care, and see each other fully, friends,
Toby