I've never been one to have vivid dreams. Or even remember what I dreamed of from night to night. But as I've aged, not only have my dreams become more lucid, but they're seemingly recurring with more frequency.

I never got into trying to interpret my dreams, either. It always felt a little too new age-y to me. But that, too, has changed as I've gotten older. It’s probably because I've been increasingly curious about how my brain works and what makes it tick.

One such recurring dream I've been having lately is where I parked my car somewhere and could not locate it. When it started happening more, I interpreted it as a simple social commentary, perhaps related to our country's over-reliance on the automobile?

Great - I'm a smarmy urbanist in my dreams.

But the more I thought about it, the more it didn't make sense. So I did what any normal person does and googled it. The results were mostly unhelpful:

Taking these results as a whole, it appears that I am searching for something meaningful in my life. (who isn't?) Sure, I'll buy that.

But why does this occupy so much of my subconscious? I mean, there are one or two things that are constantly running through my head at any given moment. But not to the point where I think either one of the things being satisfied would fulfill my life.

This is why I don't mess with dreams. I prefer to deal with stuff that I have a little more control over.

Today is International Transgender Day of Visibility. And if you're a fan of the Velvet Underground or Andy Warhol, then you probably know who the actress Candy Darling is. (if you're not familiar with her story, I certainly recommend watching the 2009 documentary Beautiful Darling) This week's newsletter from The Baffler features Annie Howard's review of a new book about Candy by Cynthia Farr titled Candy Darling: Dreamer, Icon, Superstar.

Candy was about being a superstar for the all-too-brief time she spent on this earth, dying of lymphoma at 29. And while she wouldn't consider herself an activist by any stretch of the imagination, she was certainly one of the most visible trailblazers by virtue of the lack of others like her. Fellow trans actress Holly Woodlawn said of her: "We became friends because we were the only ones we knew that were like us.”

Howard ends the review on a somber note. "In her own time, Candy could not appreciate the kinds of trans solidarity that we know now sustains our ability to survive in harsh conditions; instead, she experienced grating, ceaseless transphobia, gradually chipping away at her soul. If there’s anything we can take away from her flawed, noble pursuit of crafting a beautiful life, it’s the refusal to deny oneself this opportunity, no matter how hard it gets."

(This is where I'm going to extol the virtues of The Baffler, which I have been reading and enjoying since the late 90s. I know that we all have subscription fatigue, but you could do a lot worse than getting on their newsletter list or subscribing to their magazine.)

My photo album says that I took this about 5 years ago outside of the old Grain Exchange building Downtown. I don't recall if I ever went inside, though I definitely never saw the old trading floor. My Grandma worked at the private restaurant inside for many years, and waited on much of Old Money Minneapolis. Much of the outside is pretty plain, but these directional reliefs on the corners are terrific. The initials on the relief - K & C - are a reference to the architects of the building: Frederick Kees (who also designed City Hall across the street) and Serenus Colburn.

m u s i c b r e a k

Scott Walker - Duchess (1969)

Scott wasn't much of a household name in the US. And I guess not much of one in Europe, either. But he did enjoy a lot more success there. Though he and his fake siblings, The Walker Brothers, did score a hit in 1966 with their song "The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine (Anymore)".

His music style became much more avant-garde when he broke out on his own, fashioning himself after French hitmaker Jacques Brel and the like. Music executives, however, wanted him to be the next Andy Williams or a Sinatra-style crooner.

Duchess appears on Walker's fifth solo album titled Scott 4, which was released under his birth name: Scott Engel. And while it failed to chart, it's often considered his best work. A cover of it is also found on Neko Case's debut album The Virginian.

Take care,

-AG