When I stopped drinking 10-plus years ago, I had a lot of voids to fill. I had some hobbies before I stopped, but they wouldn't be as enhanced as they were under the influence. I thought playing guitar wouldn't have the same emotional resonance as it did when I was shitfaced, for example. Or listening to moody songs wouldn't ply me with enough visceral sustenance. That was all bullshit, of course. But I didn't know what to expect after sobriety.

I found out very quickly that I needed to replace the sugar I was getting from booze with something else, lest I drive myself even battier. And rather than look for healthy replacements, I took up Jolly Ranchers. I consumed bags of them for months. They certainly took the edge off and helped me gain some of the weight back that I had lost after years of subsisting on vodka.

The candy was not sustainable, of course. So I started going on a lot of walks. Walking then slowly morphed into running, which became my ultimate "high". I paired running with relatively healthy eating habits. And by the time I was 42, I had never felt better in my entire life.

But oh, sweet life. It always has a way of coming back to bite you in the ass. When you have all of this momentum going for you in all aspects of your life, it always seems that something has to give.

Fast-forward to today. I can barely run a half-mile, let alone 3. A lot of my clothes don't fit. I'm eating okay, but I snack too much. I physically feel uncomfortable on any given day.

I know all of that crap gets more difficult as you get older, but I don't think we talk about the emotional toll it can take on someone. (or at least men) At least when I was on Adderall, my metabolism ran a million miles an hour.

And I don't know that I want to get on another drug, let alone one like Ozempic. So I guess I'll keep trying the stuff that worked before. I've probably gone on more runs this year than I did all of last year (thank you, warm winter), so I'll count that as a win.

It's back! (at least in beta) The Minnesota Historical Society's online database collection has been "under maintenance" for what seems like years. It's a joy to randomly comb through the collection and see what you come up with. Like this photo of Bob DeHaven and the Red River Valley Gang hopping on the Opry bandwagon, ca. 1948.

It ̶f̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶m̶i̶l̶l̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶a̶n̶v̶i̶l̶s̶ dawned on me the other day that this year marks 30 years since I graduated high school. I spent almost as much time at this water tower as I did in class during my senior year. My friends and I held this place in deep reverence, calling it "Tower Church". While other students mostly went there to smoke pot or drink. Either way, it's a beautiful landmark that I'll always hold dear.

m u s i c b r e a k

The Halo Benders - Do That Thing (1998)

I was really into K Records in the mid/late 90s and bands like Built To Spill, The Softies, Bikini Kill, and Beat Happening. And then there was The Halo Benders.

Kalvin Johnson, founder of K Records (and member of Beat Happening, Dub Narcotic Sound System, and seemingly a million other bands) was seemingly everywhere in my orbit at the time. He and Beck (also on K Records for a spell) did some remixes on a Jon Spencer Blues Explosion EP. And his low, monotone voice seemingly appeared on all of the label's albums.

Johnson teamed up with Built To Spill's Doug Martsch and started The Halo Benders in 1994. But it was the project's final album "The Rebels Not In" in 1998 that really did it for me. And this song in particular. I seemed to be the only one who was jazzed to hear it at Sunday Night Dance Party.

Take care,

-AG