We're supposed to be reflective at the dawn of a new year. We're supposed to grade our performance, using crude measurements of achievements, defeats, and clout. It's all subjective; substantial yet whimsical. Meaningful yet inane. Don't take it too seriously. But it's serious business.

And after we crunch the numbers, calibrate metrics, and graph it out, we will magically have our road map for the next year ahead. It's all right there in black and white. You know what you need to do now in order to complete what you didn't finish last year. Do I have that right?

There are lots of people out there that are counting on you to make some semblance of a plan this year. They would really like for you to download that app or buy that planner. They'd like you to join their gym or give yoga a third chance. Planning costs money, you see. And who better to give that money to than some tech bro? Or maybe Blackrock?

As an Autistic, I absolutely get the point of things like anniversaries and milestones. A large part of me exists solely because of those markers. It can help create routine and, therefore, create comfort and peace of mind.

And as an anxiety-haver, I'm primarily focused on what hasn't happened yet, which could be multiple scenarios. That ends up making it so I can't plan my way out of a paper bag. I'm way too hung up on all the "what if's". I totally get the appeal of planning things out. I get the satisfaction from having everything organized and compartmentalized. But it's simply not possible for me. At least in the long term. (so don't plan on asking me to marry you anytime soon)

However, if you did ask me to reflect positively on the past year, I could plausibly do so. I marked 10 years without a drink. I started running a little more this year. (though not nearly close to where I want to be) I started writing in earnest again, trying different formats and styles. I saw some terrific shows by some of my favorite bands. Solid stuff.

A lot of people are bracing themselves for 2024 to be a shit year. And there's a lot of indication it may very well be, especially for those who don't have the same societal privileges I hold. Part of what has made the past 20-some years or so difficult is that you can hardly be prepared for much of anything that's happening because it's just so much all of the time. We're not built for that. There's no reason to believe that 2024 is going to be any different, is all.

I would just ask that all the points of no return not confine themselves to this next calendar year.

BACK TO THE GOOD STUFF

I mentioned in a previous email about my increasing sensitivity to most sounds, which has hindered my ability to listen to music for any sustained amount of time. So for the life of me, I couldn't tell you what the hell is good these days. I keep hearing stuff I like, only to find out it was released in 2005 or something. Cowabunga.

I am not the least bit sorry for enjoying the last Beatles track. I will be taking no further questions on the matter at this time.

But if you do want to know what I listen to when I listen to stuff, this playlist of stuff I Shazam'd from internet radio station NTS is solid. Six hours of anything from Southeast Asian acid rock to British mods to French crooners to American girl groups. A little something for everyone.

you thought I was going to post some Dan Fogelberg, didn't ya?

❤️ -AG