I’ve been working hard this week on re-centering my thoughts, or at least letting the more agitating ones occupy so much of my bandwidth. For the most part, it’s worked, though there’s definitely a direct correlation between the frequency of these thoughts and the amount of free time that I have. I didn’t have my kid this weekend, so that free time was in surplus.

There are a few themes that dominate these thoughts - mostly longing for people, places, and things that exist both inside and outside of my head. There’s limerence and dread and all of the other things that are simply hard to control.

The 12-steppers would say “let go and let god”, meaning you can’t control what’ll happen. And I agree to some extent. But that leaves a lot of free will on the table, and that’s something almost impossible to cede.

There are absolutely things I could do right now to change my path. But I don’t know that I’m willing to blow up a lot of what I have for that. Especially when there’s no guarantee things will be more to my liking.

So I’ve made peace with the fact that anxiety will continue to play a major role in my life. But I guess I’m not at peace that I’ve made peace with that. But I’ll keep working on my stinkin’ thinkin’ and hopefully find something that resembles balance one of these days.

My kid is heading to Detroit this week as part of a school trip. The class’s focus and work will be coordinated through The James and Grace Lee Boggs Center, whose mission is “To nurture the transformational leadership capacities of individuals and organizations committed to creating productive, sustainable, ecologically responsible, and just communities.”

I’m excited for her to have this opportunity. She’s learned about - and participated in - a lot of social justice work through her school of the past 2 years. She’s earnest and righteous in her beliefs, and I hope that they carry her throughout the rest of her life.

I’m also glad that she’s had so many opportunities to travel in her 14 years. She’s been all over the country already, with more trips in the works. (we’re going to Las Vegas over Father’s Day weekend) And while the stress of traveling always eats at me, she just goes with the flow - grateful to be going anywhere.

I was too poor to travel much when I was a kid; mostly road trips to Northern Wisconsin or Central Minnesota. I didn’t get on an airplane until I was in my mid-20s. So seeing her travel with such aplomb is a beautiful thing.

When I think spring, I think walking. And when I think walking, I think the occasional cemetery saunter. I don’t live far from Lakewood Cemetery, so I love going there to look at all of the memorials and monuments. I took this picture back in 2019. I don’t recall whom this statue is memorializing - perhaps a Pillsbury or other notable Minneapolitan. Either way, it’s one of the most beautiful memorials in all of Lakewood.

m u s i c b r e a k

Fugazi - Facet Squared (1993)

This week, Jill Riley of The Current did an interview with the great Kevin Cole about the 30th anniversary of REV 105 and it’s legacy. For me, it was the first radio station I fell in love with. Everything about it seemed like it was custom made for me.

One of the fondest memories I have of my late teens was driving around Lake Harriet with my girlfriend and listening to REV. They played this song and we nearly lost it because we ever thought we’d hear one of our bands on the radio. It meant everything to us.

Take care,

-AG