(emailing this week’s dispatch roughly 14 hours early because I feel like it)

Earlier this week, I had forgotten to take my nightly Lexapro. The next day, it seemed like eels were swimming throughout my body. I felt noodle-y and slightly stoned. But my thoughts became louder and sharper. My tinnitus was piercing my brain.

Suffice it to say it was not a pleasant experience. But it also got me thinking about how long I’ve been taking it (3 years) and whether or not it helped with my anxiety. (it did) I hate feeling like I have to do a cost-benefit analysis with so many things in my life, like being on meds. And while there’s a whole chicken-and-egg thing I’m still exploring with my anxiety, Lexapro has certainly made more aspects of it tolerable.

But now I know how I feel when I skip a dose. And I hate it. Not just because of how it makes me feel physically, but how it feels when I don’t have it - especially as someone who’s addiction-prone. Here I am, relying on yet another substance so I can keep forgetting my feelings. Odd, that.

The bottom line is I do believe that it’s doing me more fair than foul. The side effects aren’t great (look ‘em up) - and who knows what else it’s doing to my body that we don’t know about. I hope I don’t need it someday, but I’m glad it’s here for the time-being.

I’ve also been having a lot of intrusive thoughts lately. I mean, I guess it’s not totally uncommon for me to have them. But these seemed to be wider in scope and more intense. They hit on all the major themes and feelings in life. Toss in some limerence for good measure, and my brain is brain is playing all the greatest hits of the 70s, 80s, and today.

I don’t really have a good defense against these thoughts because they often hit suddenly. And they’re strong enough to upend anything I happen to be doing at the time. And since my fight or flight sense is comically robust, I lose any rare momentum I might have to do anything about it.

There comes a point when you accept things that are beyond your ability to fix or alter. And while it will never be for lack of effort, this is just who you are, and you make peace with it. Serenity now.

UAW victory is a BFD

On Friday, workers at a Volkswagen plant in Chattanooga, TN voted overwhelmingly to be represented by the United Auto Workers union. It’s the first time the UAW has successfully organized an auto plant in the south not operated by one of the “Big Three” US automakers.

It’s a remarkable victory for a number of reasons, not least of which is the South’s historic animosity towards organized labor for most of its existence. Anti-unionism is so ingrained in their culture that Governors of 6 southern states signed a letter warning that unions would upend “the values we live by.” (check out NYT columnist Jamelle Bouie’s op-ed from Friday putting this vote and movement into some historical context)

The exciting thing about this moment is we’re finally seeing a little militancy in the labor movement again. It’s been a long while since any of the big unions showed any of the kind of fortitude the UAW has, especially under the leadership of its president, Shawn Fain. And, while there’s plenty to dog Biden about, his administration has been the most pro-labor administration in at least a generation.

The UAW now has its sights aimed at organizing other auto plants in the south, including a vote in May at a Mercedes-Benz plant in Alabama. Here’s hoping they can keep the momentum going.

Rigoni’s Bakery in Ironwood, MI. I went to the Upper Peninsula for the first time last summer and really enjoyed what it had to offer. I stayed in Ironwood, a cute tourist-y town just across the Wisconsin border. I really liked many of the buildings there, including this bakery. Just wish I would’ve went in…

m u s i c b r e a k

Dramarama - What Are We Gonna Do? (1991)

It's April 21st and everybody knows today is Earth Day
Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday to whoever's being born

Take care,

-AG