No. 129 The single, most important lesson I learned from 20 years in NYC
"Engage, disengage, or wither."
No. 129 • 12/30/2025
Dear readers,
I've now lived in NYC for over twenty years. And, of all the things I've learned, there's one that's stuck with me since the beginning.
You have two options when it comes to living in this city: engage it or disengage from it. Living somewhere in the middle leads to resentment and chronic frustration.
What does this look like?
Engagement is riding the subway, going out to events, trying new restaurants, frequenting "your spots," etc. You're involved. You lean into what the city has on offer.
Disengagement is staying in your neighborhood. If you hang with friends, it's all very local. For you, the city isn't a playground. It's insulation.
The middle ground is nothing like either of the two.
Middle grounders engage the city's often very intense, very overwhelming, and very clunky infrastructure (rerouted subways, rush hours, post-December slush, traffic, etc.), but never engage the city's benefits. Middle grounders move through the city because they have to, rarely because they want to. The city runs them down. It pummels them. It wears them out. Those with the means eventually jump ship. Usually to some form of suburbia.
The same goes for how we engage the world of ideas.
You've got two options when it comes to engaging the world (if you want to remain happy): engage it or completely disengage from it. The middle is where things get bad. It's where you feel run over by "content," battered by "hot takes," swamped with "insights." You may be forced to interact with all the above, but rarely do you engage it on your own terms.
The course I start teaching on January 6, is designed to help people interact with ideas. Lot's of ideas. It teaches students how to "be in the world, but not of it." Through a simple, intuitive system, it helps you not only navigate the barrage of information that's pummeling you (and me) everyday, but more importantly, it helps you transform the barrage into material that can be leveraged for creative work.
As one of my previous students has said:
"There's a ton of content out there about this system and how great it is, but so much of it is convoluted. Doto distills the important pieces and provides actionable insights." — August
I keep these small and intimate, and registration will soon be closing, so now would be a good time to get on it.
What I’m up to writing / teaching / speaking….
Teaching is, as you know, happening in January. Writing is on a week-long break (see electrical below). And speaking is set to happen in March at the PKM Summit.
What we’re up to on the property….
Electrical! We are many steps closer to having our wood shop up and running in our rehabbed 1700s barn.
What my book, A System for Writing, is up to....
From a recent Amazon review:
"For a beginner like me (with zero writing skills, English is not my 1st language, and the only things that delight me are the illusion of monetizing my YouTube channel by creating sparking content), I can guarantee that [A System for Writing] is much better than [How to Take Smart Notes]. It has many examples and step-by-step instructions to understand the Zettelkasten method. But because I read "How to Take Smart Notes" first, it seems like I knew the Zettelkasten theory first, and this book helps me know what to focus on.
I can guarantee (because I am a complete newbie when it comes to the Zettelkasten) that this book is easier to get."
Get my book
Pick up my latest book, A System for Writing, [here].
Got a question or something you'd like me to write about? Send me what you're thinking!