narcissists
Hey there, thanks for opening! This week we're talking about being proud of your wins, spotting narcissists, and leadership. Hope you find something useful here as always. -K
When was the last time you felt a little bit too in love with yourself? Maybe in the aftermath of a really good day, or after pulling off a really hard project or event? Or after putting the last edits on a long-ass write-up and pressing send or submit, or putting away the last of the reviewers or finally closing that textbook for good. Or getting really good feedback (monetary or psychological!)
That top-of-the-world, can-do-anything, it-only-seems-impossible-until-it's-done kind of invincibility (which is, come to think of it, actually just a couple of inches away from the four-beers-in-at-the-videoke-at-3am feeling from last week's entry.)
One of my favorite moments is the day after we pulled off 25 simultaneous reading sessions in December 2010--which, I am astonished to realize, is actually more than ten years ago (along with my 25-year-old self). I remember being so tired to the bone, and yet so damn satisfied. We ended up winning the Division 1 Top Award at the Quill Awards in 2011 for that--also a thoroughly satisfying event.
Well, just to get it out of the way--we all deserve to be proud of the good that we do without it being taken against us. I came across this tool called the brag document which is basically just a document listing down the things you've accomplished. Many workplaces probably have this in the form of a performance evaluation facility, but that's decidedly less... fun, and admittedly, kinda constrained. As we approach the middle of the second quarter (ALREADY! wtf), I guess it's always a good time to start taking down wins.
Anyway. That's not narcissism. What got me recently interested in narcissism is this article by FastCompany, which resurfaced on my feed this week: Narcissistic leaders poison their organizations for decades.
How does narcissism in government organizations look like?
"Narcissistic leaders are often initially perceived as charismatic and transformational, and slowly reveal themselves to be exploitative and self-absorbed, as well as overconfident, dishonest, grandiose, credit-stealing, and blame-throwing. Sound familiar?
Among coworkers, they leave a trail of ignored advice, conflict, and abuse, and are known for taking credit for success, which leads to a number of long-term problems. Those include low morale, low worker confidence, unfair pay disparities, and a culture of blame."
I don't think there are words left in the lexicon covering abusive relationships that we haven't used yet in relation to this administration--it's a gaslighting toxic piece of shit that I cannot wait to get out of soon enough, though prospects remain dim, a little over a year away from next year's elections.
Anyway. I'm in that space where I'm thinking about what good leadership means, what it takes, and what it brings. This is actually in the wake of another recent retirement at work--one of our Cebu-based leaders is saying goodbye after nearly two decades at the company, and it's actually bittersweet. She reminds me of my Cebuana titas a lot, and she's the one who hosts us whenever we come over to Cebu for Sinulog or some other coverage. Had it not been for this pandemic, we definitely would have been in Cebu this weekend for her party.
I agree that transitions are always hard enough in the first place, but this pandemic has just exacerbated everything. It's hard being a leader as it is; what more when you're nothing but a small box in a screen? The truth is, no amount of smooth connectivity or fancy gadgets can ensure good leadership. Sure, they are a part of that--but leading has always beeen something else; something closer to the ground, so to speak. In the absence of that, I think we're still figuring out, at least in the corporate field, what it means to lead when you're away from your people.
What do you think are the best practices for leaders stuck to leading via Zoom in this pandemic?
Recs from around the internet
- How to work for a narcissistic boss via HBR. In case you need it.
- Hard read: Women can also be complicit to creating toxic workplaces and work cultures, especially when they are toxic leaders themselves.
- Jansport is making bras made of backpacks and I haven't slept peacefully since.
- The Twilight Saga as Spongebob reaction GIFs, a thread. PS everything I know about Twilight, I have learned against my will.
- This new Weezer song is so good. Yea, I need some of that.
PS. something that made me smile: Tegan and Sara's introduction to their cover of P!nk's "Just Like a Pill" during the Billboard Women in Music event in 2013. With P!nk in the audience as a fantastic tita. Also! Tegan's 2013 hair!
Thank you for making it this far, friend! Take care.
XO,
K