Friends! It's been too long. I have been thinking about this newsletter, but have to admit that I haven't carved out the time to sit down and pound it out. Ok, that's not entirely true.

It's a little difficult to know what to say since so many of my thoughts are taken up by this divorce. It's been really hard. I seem to be riding through these waves of grief. Things start to feel a little better and then...boom, another one hits. I miss both Céline and Gaël so so much. Before we dated, Céline and I were really good friends. We ended up talking all the time, something that continued during our marriage. That's the hardest thing for me, I miss talking to her. About big things, but also about little things. Everyday things. I often wonder how her day is going. I want to tell her about something silly that has happened. It's rough. I miss seeing Gaël when I come home and playing with him. At first, it was nice to kind of recover a bit(it was a rough year preceding it), but now I just crave that time with him. Before writing this, I rocked him in the hammock. Usually, we just do it for 5 minutes, but he just wanted to stay with me so we stayed there for half an hour. It's such a sweet experience to sing him the same songs that my father sang to me. His head nestled into my shoulder.

I'd like to focus on being positive though, especially with all of you. I don't know if I come out of this a better person(I certainly don't think I'll be in a better situation), but I am going to try. I have been digging and pushing and prodding Céline for a reason why this is happening. There are things that she has told me that are really hard to hear, but at the same time, I have to give them weight. Even if they hurt. I value her opinion, she always been so perceptive. That and the two of us know each other better than anyone else. So these things I have to act on. It's hard, and they do hurt, but at the same time, it's an opportunity to become a better person. Humility is really key here. The two things I am trying to focus on really hard this next year in my relationship with her, whatever it may be, are empathy and kindness. We're close to the finish line and I'm hoping we can make it over nicely. If you've got good vibes, send them our way.

So what else have I been up to?

 Well I took a trip to the desert and wrote about it. And took pictures.

I've adopted a bit of a crazy diet. Breakfast is oatmeal and chia seeds. Lunch and dinner are stir-fried vegetables and chicken(with no sauce or seasoning). I mix it up occasionally with a lentil soup. My cheat day is Saturday, with Gaël. We are trying to try every French bakery in Seattle(let me know if you want the list). April I am trying to make no sugar. I am currently on a no alcohol streak as well, but it will probably get broken by the next time I go to get sushi(hot sake is a thing).

I have been working out a lot. Like a lot a lot. I usually wake up at 5:30 and run 3 miles. This has been the most therapeutic thing. There is so much energy and so much of it negative, I just try to channel it all into the run. It's around the park I live next to and I have seen a lot of sunrises over Lake Washington from the floating dock. It's a great way to start the day. My building at Amazon has a gym in the basement and I lift there every day for an hour. I play soccer or ride my bike whenever I can in the evening. The running/lifting/diet resulted in a 30-pound weight loss, which I have managed to get to a much more reasonable 20-pound weight loss. Don't get all excited though, I am sure whenever I get off this crazy diet the pound will come back(I miss you doughnuts, burritos, hamburgers, sushi - we'll be reunited again soon). I tend to do things in extremes (cue to Céline vigorously nodding her head).

Work is awesome. Really awesome. They are flexible with my hours so I can see Gaël more. The team is cool and so is the project. For once it actually looks like we'll launch ahead of schedule. Things seem to be clicking there. 

Gaël is starting to pick up words. He doesn't have sentences, but there are just a few gaps to fill in until he does. It's such a surreal experience to watch him express himself especially considering 6 months ago it was still mostly inferring his thoughts through facial expressions. This next year is going to be amazing. We end up reading a lot, playing a lot of hide-and-seek, and taking walks. He is an adventurer at heart and we love exploring parks. This next summer I am going to try to get him up in the mountains for some camping. I need to start figuring out what I can cook for him because I won't enforce my crazy diet on him(there are probably some amazing toddler cookbooks out there).  

Ok, that's a lot of words. I don't know if I would read someone else's newsletter if it was this long, so if you made it here, thank you. There are so many good people in my life, even when it's hard, I'm blessed,

Cowabunga Dude,

David

Written sensibly and happily to:
 
Gorillaz - Let Me Out (They have been dropping singles and this new album seems that it will be incredible)
Jinsang - Solitude [Beat Tape] (I have been having this station playing on repeat in my apartment. It turns out that I love lofi beat tapes. It's just the most amazing music when there is just a little bit of rain. It's getting me through this wet wet spring)
Chet Baker - The Best of Chet Baker (Haven't been a big jazz guy before, but I really like this album!)
Gustavo Santaolalla - De Usuahia a la Quiaca (I hope this next season of life is defined by adventure and wildness)

Also written a bit sadly to:

Ray LaMontagne - Trouble (Dipped in melancholy and mystery)
Life in Film - Anna, Please Don't Go (Lyrics here - was on my Spotify discovery list, when I heard it floored me, I don't think any song reflects my current situation better. Listened to it on repeat most of this last week.)
Rook1e - Love Letters (A mixtape revolving around love)

Bonus Gaël's bedtime playlist:

Jack Johnson - Lullaby (From the excellent Curious George soundtrack - an easy one to learn and sing)
Jack Johnson - Seasick Dream (From the trailer of "view from a blue moon" - hoping that it inspires surfer dreams in Gaël)
Jim Croce - Time in a bottle (My father used to sing this one to me and my brothers before we went to sleep - I grab onto the words of this song tightly and hug Gaël tighter)
Allison Krause - Down to the River to Pray (A wonderfully peaceful song to get ready to go to sleep to)