🍝 Today's Sitdown: US condemns house arrest of Brazil's ex-president Jair Bolsonaro
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US condemns house arrest of Brazil's ex-president Jair Bolsonaro
Date: 8/5/2025 Original Source: BBC (https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/crkzn5l6jxzo?at_medium=RSS&at_campaign=rss)
TONY SAYS:
So, this Bolsonaro guy, right? Former president of Brazil. Sounds like a real piece of work. They got him under house arrest. House arrest! Can you believe this shit? Like he's some kinda spoiled brat who needs a timeout. Except, you know, instead of taking away his Playstation, they took away his… presidency. And probably a few other things, too. chuckles darkly
The judge, this Moraes fella, says he didn’t follow some orders. Some restraining orders. Sounds familiar, huh? Like when your wife tells you to stay away from the bakery – except the consequences are a little… more serious than a cannoli shortage. This Bolsonaro, he’s claiming he didn't break any rules, which is what every guido says when he gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar. His lawyers are gonna appeal, of course. That's the game, right? Appeal, delay, maybe something else happens, and poof the whole thing goes away. Like magic.
Now, the US State Department, these clowns, they’re "condemning" the whole thing. Condemning! Like their opinion matters. These guys are like that annoying relative you gotta invite to Christmas dinner, even though you know they're gonna complain about the food and everything else. Meanwhile, that clown Trump, he's using this whole thing as an excuse to slap tariffs on Brazilian goods. Fifty percent! A goddamn fifty percent tariff! The guy’s got a trade surplus with Brazil, and he’s still doing this? It’s like taking candy from a baby, except the baby’s got an army and a whole lotta…coffee.
Moraes says Bolsonaro was using social media, his son’s social media, to stir up trouble. Yeah, I’ve seen this movie before. Family business… gets messy. These guys are broadcasting messages that were encouraging attacks on the Supreme Court. Imagine that. Attacking the court. These Brazilians, they really need to work on their strategy here. There are ways to send a message without getting yourself locked up. But maybe that's just me.
They had these rallies, pro-Bolsonaro. His son, a senator, puts his old man on speakerphone to a whole crowd of people in Rio. On speakerphone! Like some kinda goddamn karaoke night for coup plotters. Then the son posts a video of it online, then deletes it. A classic move. You see, that’s how you know they were really up to something. If it was innocent, why delete the evidence? Moraes calls him out on it. He said, and I quote, "The flagrant disregard…" Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah. He’s not wrong, though. It’s like leaving your fingerprints all over the murder weapon and then complaining about the arrest. Now, Moraes banned Bolsonaro from visitors, except lawyers and court-approved people. Smart move. Keeps the chaos to a minimum. Less chance of some crazy uncle showing up with a cake and a machete.
So, yeah. Bolsonaro’s in house arrest. It’s a whole thing. Reminds me of that time Paulie Walnuts… (Tony pauses, takes a long sip of espresso, a thoughtful look on his face) … nah, forget about it. Bottom line: this whole Brazilian situation is a mess. A real goddamn mess. But hey, at least it’s not here, right? For now… smiles thinly Capisce?
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