Old Enough and $50 Personal Essays
$50 never felt like enough to share my trauma with the world.
When I was a baby writer, desperate to leave my parents’ home and pay off any amount of my student loans, I used to write personal essays. Nothing I ever wrote was all that private or earth-shattering, but looking back, confessing that I was lonely, anxious, and desperately unprepared for adulthood should have amounted to a payout that at least could have covered a single phone bill. (I didn’t even have an unlimited data plan back then.)
I eventually moved away from personal essays, probably because I realized I could tell a single therapist my problems instead of the whole world, but there are moments when those instances that shaped me as a person are reflected in another’s work. Such is the case with Old Enough, the fictional debut from Haley Jakobson, that’s become my favorite book of the year.
It’s a bold claim to make in September, I know, but after reading this book, I cried. It was more of a cry about being seen and identified, and how we can carry trauma for our whole lives, our struggles unbeknownst to everyone we ever come across.
With a singularly funny, heartfelt voice, Old Enough explores queer love, community, and what it means to be a sexual assault survivor. Haley Jakobson has written a love letter to friendship and an honest depiction of what finding your people can feel like—for better or worse.
I spent my twenties doing some of the dumbest shit imaginable. I think I’m older and somewhat wiser in my thirties, but I still really need to learn and adhere to spending limits, especially when it comes to Sanrio plushies. I wish I could go back and tell young me that I shouldn’t try to date that guy and that yes, girl crushes does in fact mean you’re attracted to woman too.
I know this story was fictional, but it perfectly captured what it’s like to spend each waking moment attempting to be a person when literally everything is stacked against you. It’s utterly mind boggling to me that we can go through periods of intense emotional battles or trauma and then we just have to continue on as normal. At some point that pain lessens, but it’s never something that completely leaves you. Sometimes, reminders come in the most unexpected and unwelcome of places.
Nearly a decade later and I can still remember what it was like to be in an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s something I never wrote a personal essay about, and it’s something that I don’t really think is worth any amount of money to share a full story on, but it is a reminder that everyone, no matter how perfect they may seem, likely has something they’re going through.
Old Enough was a reminder of that message, and a reminder that as bad as things may get, you can likely find some way of making it through. It’s a really good book, OK?! Before reading, be aware that it does talk about sexual assault.
Like literally everyone else, I am into the new Olivia Rodrigo album. I wish there were less slow ballads and more tunes about men being bad, but wow, what a treat!
If you want even more punky pop that encourages you to be your best self, let me also suggest some other tunes. This also gives me a chance to once again reflect on the importance of Slutever. RIP Slutever! Gone but never forgotten.