Worry While You Work

Friends,

It is spring, supposedly. Yesterday it was in the 80s, tomorrow it will be in the 80s, today it was in the 40s. Just totally normal weather things. I spent March watching way more movies than usual. Annihilation was a high point (besides the whitewashing of Natalie Portman’s character), Wrinkle in Time was a middling point, and the documentary Obit about the NYT ’s obituary writers was an absolute low point. I mean, I saw Tomb Raider and that was awful, but I expected Tomb Raider to be awful. I only stuck around for the first 30 minutes of Obit , during which time they walked us through the obituaries of about a dozen men including writers, athletes, a bassist, and two women: Candy Barr and Svetlana Alliluyeva. Maybe the last hour of the film made up for that initial imbalance somehow, but good lord, you have to be trying to be that ridiculous about representation. ESPECIALLY when the NYT was obviously aware of their shortcomings, given their recent “Overlooked Women” obituaries feature. Finally, NBC’s recent Jesus Christ Superstar production was mostly great, and it’s on Hulu.

March brought on a new invigoration when it came to getting my work out there, which means it simultaneously brought on a wave of new doubt about triage. I’m sending out proposals for my nonfiction book for the first time (not to agents yet, but to fellowships and similar opportunities), which adds even more layers.

Usual layers: work on novel or nonfiction book which are longer shots but the key to any kind of permanence in this literary world? work on academic publications which are necessary to get a better teaching gig? keep revising and sending the same short stories/essays that haven’t gotten me anywhere thus far? do a few book reviews and interviews? start on some brand new work?

Pick nonfiction book to take seriously and thus new layers: how much to work on it before sending out proposals? should my main goal be to create an essay-length sample to try to publish and then use that to springboard a deal for the larger work? is my goal to get an agent and wide publication or should I seek out all avenues including smaller/academic presses?

I spend too much time worrying and not enough time writing, which is common, but I’m getting better at it. The truth is that none of these questions really matter for me yet and that the answers will become more clear as I push forward and have more work to show. At some point there will be a section that obviously works well on its own as an excerpt. At some point I’ll have a more encompassing view of what the book as a whole will be. But, hey, worrying is as good procrastination as anything else. I’d rank it slightly below baking and slightly above reorganizing your bookshelves.

But the worrying reminds me of the difficulty of asking for or receiving advice in the writing world. The problem is that the sample sizes are relatively small, especially if you only look at the reasonably successful stories, and that small sample offers an insane variety of paths forward. Even if you only consider nonfiction, there are people who move from more academic publications to broader ones (like Anne Helen Petersen). There are people who get started in journalism/magazines then complete a book, sometimes borne out of a piece they were working on (like Sarah Hepola, among others). There are people who complete the entire book first and there are people who sell books based on ten pages. It’s hard to know, but of course the more work you do the easier it is to fit in multiple categories. So. Work more and worry less, not because you shouldn’t worry but because worry stops you from doing as much work as you could.

Further reading:

• I survived the Austin bombing . If you want a serious piece on the subject, just go reread this one .
• I hate linking to The Atlantic in the wake of their ridiculous hiring (and subsequent quick firing) of Kevin Williamson, a columnist who called for women who have had abortions to be hanged. However, their issue focused on MLK Jr. produced amazing, necessary work. Here’s Vann R. Newkirk II’s piece .
• By the time you get this, the YouTube shooting will probably have been supplanted by violent_american_act_du_jour, but you should know about the insane disinformation campaign about the shooter that began within seconds of the event being public. Trolling is too small a word to cover it.
• I’ve never really seen Ricky Gervais’s work besides An Idiot Abroad , so I can’t speak to the accuracy of this piece taking him down, but wow it’s a solid read (credit to Glen Weldon for the rec).
• I didn’t publish anything this month but I did write my most popular tweet thus far so I think overall I win.

I write to you from a cheerful, partially lit coffee shop where a bunch of people are leaning into one another somewhere in San Antonio, post San Antonio Book Festival. I find myself more and more grateful for literary events that include a broad swath of the population, even if the Q&As are more difficult. It’s easy to get stuck in that bubble of going to readings where 90% of the audience are thirtysomething writer hopefuls and it just feels less sustainable than book festivals (like Austin’s, San Antonio’s, and Dallas’s) seem. I hope wherever you are when this letter lands in your lap is as hopeful as my space is.

-g