Seeking refuge in the known
(Source)
Seeking refuge in the known
In my explorations of various aspects of being in complex, living, ecological systems, I every now and then get to a point where I have the feeling that I am invited (or forced?) to step through a door into a new world and leave most of what I have known so far behind. It is a point of coalescence of different insights and thoughts, an aha-moment, in which I suddenly start seeing things in a different way. The same things – our town, home, our economy, politics, my work, my relationships, the pandemic, all of it. Once I get to this point, it is hard to unsee – to return to seeing things in the way I had seen them before.
Stepping through that door, however, generally means stepping into unknown territory where your ‘self’ might not be as well-defined as it is on this side of the door. Who am I in this new world? You will need to question everything, from your job to your relationships and your own being in the world. Things around you might unravel very quickly into a space of unknowing and of ‘what now?’ These doors can be more or less significant. Some might only shift some parts of your life, for example you start questioning the meaningfulness of your work. Others, however, might lead to you questioning essentially your whole way of being.
I was at such a significant point recently. It has been building up for a while. I was questioning my whole way of being. My work, my relationships, my way of life, even my roles in my family. This time, however, I decided not to step through the door. I simply could not do it. I was too afraid of how things would unravel and what would happen as a consequence. I started focusing on what I know instead, spending time with reports I am supposed to deliver, planning trips to visit projects and designing new studies that need to be done. This helped me enormously to keep things together, to stop the unravelling. Yet I still cannot unsee. But instead of stepping through that big door and watching everything around me unravel, I decided to try to focus on the smaller things. How can this new way of seeing the world influence my life and my relationships in the small, in the Minute Particulars? I’m not sure this works. It might just help solidify a way of life that I don’t believe in anymore. Or delay the unavoidable falling out of the matrix – I decided to take that red pill quite a while ago. Yet I don’t think I have a choice in this moment. The price to pay for the unravelling to happen now would simply be too high.
Have you experienced something similar? Do you mind sharing your experience? Simply reply to this email.
Conversations, deep dives, and joint learning about systems
Are you interested in joint learning, reflection and in diving deeper into understanding systems, how you yourself relate to the systems you are part of, and how you can take up a meaningful role in your systems? I offer various different formats for people who consider themselves systems practitioners and who are interested to deepen their understanding and practice:
- The Systemic Insight Circle is a space for being together in wonder, discovering the beauty of the spaces in between – of relationships and interdependencies. It is a small group of people who engage in joint learning through conversation initiated by a weekly prompt. Learn more.
- Critical Reflections on Systems is a new space for deep reflection and intersubjective learning on topics related to systems and complexity. The space brings together a small group of people for four weekly sessions to discuss and reflect on the critical issues they are facing in their life and work related to systems and change. There will be a specific system-related topic each month with the four sessions building on each other. The topic in October will be Agency and Entanglement. Learn more and sign up.
- Accompanied learning / learning partnerships for organisations – Accompanied learning is an alternative to the expert consultant model, adapted to tackle complex challenges and achieve meaningful and resilient change. I’m entering a real partnership with you and your organisation and we learn together in an evolving way. Learn more here and get in touch by replying to this email if you are interesting in discussing.
- Individual conversations and explorations – If you are facing ambiguity and complex challenges but do not really know how to handle them I can work with you and we can walk through these challenges together. Get in touch by simply replying to this email.
But a good teacher, and a real expert, knows that they are in a process of learning themselves. They are not leaders. They are not making seeds grow … They are fertilizer, tending to the soil. (Nora Bateson)
The Paper Museum
This week I’m sharing a reflection that was sent to me by a friend responding to my post on the question of “What is Home in a Changing World?” Shared here with his permission.
And I wonder whether at the deepest deepest level home is another word for connection or maybe even belonging, and we search for that belonging in our physical place, in our relationships and family, in our football club, we look for that connection and belonging in the overuse of drugs, sex, etc… and maybe the paradox is that although we are constantly searching for home, for belonging, it is always there, the oneness is already there, the connection and belonging is already there, whether you want to believe in spiritual concepts that we are all connected, or collective consciousness, or even that point of singularity from which the whole universe exploded, that original connection, that original belonging is embedded in us, and so we spend our whole lives looking for home, belonging, connection, essentially looking to be loved, and yet we are unconditionally loved already, before we were even born, you are loved, you are home, you do belong… please come in… you are always welcome!
This reflection resonated a lot with me, which is why I asked my friend if I can add it to my Paper Museum.
More for you to enjoy
I have come across this article in the Harvard Business Review about trust and its role in leadership. It’s a typical HBR Article in that it presents a simple framework and easy recipe on how to improve your leadership qualities. The whole thing is built upon retrospectively coherent patterns drawn out of working with a number of companies. They shared one case study about working on building back trust in Uber. I’d venture to guess that they managed to do that despite the simplistic framework, rather than because of. You see I’m quite sceptical about their approach. At the same time, I envy the clarity with which the article shares the experiences and the framework and makes it look so simple. I just don’t think there is such a simple recipe to building trust. If you missed it, read my recent post on trust.