a monday newsletter, just for you
I spent much of yesterday, more hours than I’m willing to calculate, finishing sewing a shirt. I am, by no means, a master sewist (a term I somewhat recently learned on Instagram—highly hashtagged), but have dabbled and made my own clothes on and off since high school. I used to buy garments at the thrift shop and then turn them into other things—mostly tube tops and dresses because I was a tiny little thing (though I would have sworn I wasn’t at the time) and could have worn a scrap of fabric and called it an outfit.
I’ve always been excited by fiber arts: sewing, knitting, crocheting weaving, embroidering, rug-tufting, and really anything that involves fiber. For a hot second I even seriously thought about applying to a fiber arts MFA for weaving—in another universe, maybe I did. But anyways, I spent hours and hours finishing up this shirt—made from the scraps of a jumpsuit that doesn’t fit me anymore.
I loved that jumpsuit, but literally only wore it once to a rehearsal dinner. I had bought it used on [Poshmark](https://poshmark.com/), so who knows what lives it lived before it even got to me. It served its intended purpose well (I felt cute and confident and a little less sorry for myself), but then I didn’t have another occasion to wear it. And then I decided to stop dieting and start addressing my internalized fatphobia and work on loving myself regardless of my size. And pretty soon it was just a beloved garment hanging in my closet, very lonely and very unworn.
In a past life, I would have held onto it for far too long, hoping-wishing-praying that I could wear it again when I got skinny, and then eventually donated or given it away in a fit of self-loathing.
Now, however, I was saving it, not as symbol of some desirable, someday perfect and lovable me, but simply as a lovely green fabric with a nice drape that looks good and makes me happy when I wear it. I held onto it in one of my many, many plastic tubs of fabric (mostly old clothes and also yarns) and waited, not for my body to undergo some magical Cinderella transformation, but for a good pattern that would make me excited to rip out all of those seams (it’s kind of an arduous process).
When, a couple weeks ago, a [designer](https://www.instagram.com/rudyjude/) I follow on Instagram posted a tutorial for a mu’umu’u-style dress, I knew it would be the project for my beloved jumpsuit. I started it then.
And then, yesterday, I wrestled with the shirt almost all day and found myself fully engaged with problem-solving a task right in front of me. That feeling of flow was kind of magical. Listening to music and sewing together seams, and then ripping some of them out when they were wrong. Adjusting based on what I had. Without the benefit of plain yardage, I had to work around what I was able to salvage from my jumpsuit’s selvedge (salvage-selvedge—it’s a fabric joke). It felt exciting to make adjustments and try new things.
And my shirt? It’s quite nice, if I do say so myself. Is it perfect? No. Some of the stitches are a little crooked and tiny threads poke out in a few places they shouldn’t. I know where I made mistakes, where I’d make changes if I did it over; however, I’m wearing the shirt happily, with pride. The color is still lovely. The drape is still nice. I think my body looks good in it, but that’s actually kind of beside the point. I love that I made it myself, with these hands. I love that it gets a new life, no longer lonely in the closet. I love that I took what I had and made do and that the result is wonderful in its way and completely, uniquely mine.
prompt #15:
Take an article of clothing and use it as your jumping off point. An ode to (fill in the blank). Maybe something you’re wearing right now, or maybe a powerful garment that carries great meaning for you. The sacred or the mundane—either way, give it some love and let it guide your writing today.
Set that timer, write for five minutes, and see where this humble cloth takes you today. Then, come back to the writing after a break. Do you want to change the piece into something else (dare I say, alter it?). Or will you wear it as is?
(“ashley’s piece” is today’s intro.)