StoryGodmother Newsletter #32 - Formatting for attention
Hello! Hope you’re having a lovely summer and that your writing is going well.
Welcome to the July issue of the Story Godmother newsletter. If you’d like to keep up to date with my writing work, please do sign up to my other newsletter "Amy Sparkes Readers" which gives you sneak-peeks, bonus material, giveaways and news.
RESOURCES
Formatting for attention
The way you present your picture book text is important and can impact the way it’s received. Yes, you can present it as a simple block of prose, or a list of verses, and it may still be received perfectly well. BUT, you are missing a trick: you’re missing the opportunity to communicate playfulness, voice, tone and confidence – all of which can bring about a more positive reception of the text and the writer. Here’s an example, which I will assume has already been split into spreads:
VERSION 1:
Spread 9
She ran towards the trapped dragon and she pulled and she pulled and she pulled until finally the creature was free. “Thank you,” said the dragon. “And now it’s my turn to help you.” She climbed up onto his back and with a whoosh, they took to the skies.
That is literally written off the top of my head as an example, but it is the kind of thing you might find in a picture book submission. And it’s fine. It’s OK. But, let’s make it more engaging, more exciting give the impression that this writer understands their young readers, understands the older person reading to them, and understands the importance of creating an engaging text.
VERSION 2:
Spread 9
She ran towards the trapped dragon
and she pulled...
and she pulled...
and she pulled until finally…
The creature was free.
“Thank you,” said the dragon. “And now it’s my turn to help you.”
She climbed up onto his back and with a WHOOOOOOOOOSH…
Spread 10
They took to the skies.
To be clear, you absolutely do NOT need to start every new phrase or sentence on a separate line in a picture book text. Unless there is a good reason for it, that can just feel fragmented and exhausting to read, for example:
VERSION 3:
Spread 9
She ran towards the trapped dragon
and she pulled...
and she pulled...
and she pulled…
until finally…
The creature was free.
“Thank you,” said the dragon.
“And now it’s my turn to help you.”
She climbed up onto his back
And with a WHOOOOOOOOOSH…
Instead, think about what you want to draw your reader’s attention to. What matters? Where is there excitement? Where is there suspense? Where can you enhance the emotion and the reader experience? To my mind, Version 1 feels like the writer is mumbling a little, rushing a little, not entirely confident in their delivery. Version 3 feels like the writing is panicking a little – doing everything in the hope of hitting the mark, but in the process, losing something in the delivery. I’m not saying that Version 2 is perfect or the only or best way to present this, but here is the thinking behind it:
VERSION 2:
Spread 9
She ran towards the trapped dragon
- we have isolated the problem here, drawing attention to it
and she pulled...
and she pulled...
- slowing down here and separating these lines gives the impression of time and effort, drawing out this difficult moment, and also highlighting the ‘rule of three’ by helping the readers appreciate the rhythm of the three ‘she pulled’ phrases
and she pulled until finally…
- again, just slowing the reader a little bit here, giving the person reading aloud the opportunity to create a bit of tension and drama and pause before...
The creature was free.
- The resolution is clearly stated here, drawing attention to it.
“Thank you,” said the dragon. “And now it’s my turn to help you.”
She climbed up onto his back and with a WHOOOOOOOOOSH…
- Making the most of the moment here with capitals for the sound effect and a playful extension of the vowels in the middle (nudging the older reader to give it a bit of welly), and again a bit of a pause to build suspense leading up to a page turn.
Spread 10
They took to the skies.
- and obviously, it would depend on how much space you had, the pacing of the story and so on, but I would be inclined to split this big moment with a page turn. Again, that draws attention to a big moment.
The art design team and the editors will help make final decisions about text layout but your job is to get the story that far. The important thing is that you have thoroughly considered your word choices and structural choices as you edit. Decide what YOU think is the most effective way of communicating your story, and understand WHY you have made those choices. Play with format, try different things and see how various combinations and choices create different effects.
For more on how to layout your picture book, please see: How to lay out your picture book – The Story Godmother
CHARACTER CORNER
If you have quite a few characters, try pairing some up as ‘character buddies’. This is where two characters share a special relationship, usually a closer friendship. Not only is this realistic (in bigger groups, people often pair up), but it will also enable you to help explore a relationship in more depth, which will reveal more about those characters. Even if you have two characters who plot dictates are randomly thrown together rather than choosing each other, you as the author need to understand why you have picked those particular two characters for that to happen to.
Who would your characters be most likely to buddy up with, and why? Which combinations might work best? Why do they appreciate each other? Think about personalities which might particularly complement each other – do they have something in common, which is why they are drawn to each other? Are they complete opposites and balance each other out? What would this buddying up help reveal about those characters? What will they ‘draw out’ of each other that other characters might not?
WRITING COURSE
Thank you to everyone who came along to the WRITING KEY MOMENTS course on Tuesday. Hope you found it helpful. It’s the kind of thing I wish I’d known when I was starting out! It was so lovely running another teaching session again, as I’ve been so busy with projects lately, I haven’t been able to squeeze them in. But now I’ve met some deadlines, I have a bit more brain space, so I’m looking forward to getting some more sessions up and running. To make sure you don’t miss out on any course announcements, you can follow me on Eventbrite here: Amy Sparkes Events and Tickets
First off...
FREE WEBINAR
July 11th
I like to offer free sessions for newsletter members only, as a thank you for subscribing. This time we’ll be looking at how to make the first impressions of your characters really count. Bring along a work in progress if you'd like to, or just come along and be inspired.
Note This is just for newsletter subscribers, so please do not share the link with anyone else. If you know someone who would be interested in joining, please direct them to the sign-up page for the newsletter: The StoryGodmother @ Buttondown
Thank you!
And next up...
MIDDLE GRADE WEEKEND
11th and 12th October.
This is the equivalent of a comprehensive six-week course, but with many bonus bits thrown in.
Includes:
- Introduction to middle-grade books
- Developing your ideas & creating a series
- Breaking into the market
- Character building
- Creating structure
- Opening lines
- Antagonism: beyond the villain
- Q & A
- Breakout rooms
- 1:1s with Amy (optional - £15 each for 15mins, available to book separately)
Main sessions will be recorded and sent out to participants so please don't worry if you need to miss some of the weekend. 1:1 sessions will be offered via email contact with participants nearer to the event.
There are only 25 spaces available, so please don’t hang around if you’re interested. Tickets will be available to buy from Sunday 6th July, 5pm.
More teaching sessions will be announced soon. If there is anything you’d particularly love to see sessions on, please drop me a line at: sparkles@storygodmother.co.uk
COMPETITIONS
WRITING MAGAZINE CHILDREN'S BOOK PRIZE
A reminder that the submission window for the prize is 1st September - 31st October, so less than three months until it’s open! There will be a Picture Book and a Chapter Book category. More info is available on my website: Writing Magazine Children’s Book Prize 2025
I’ll be including some hints and tips for writing great competition entries in the next few newsletters.
COACHING COMPETITION
As usual, I’m pleased to offer another 30-minute coaching competition. For those of you who are new to this, as a thank you for subscribing to the newsletter and to help coaching become accessible to all regardless of means, I offer a FREE 30-minute coaching session (worth £30 – no strings attached) via a lucky draw every newsletter, for anyone who would like to take part
If you would like to enter, please email comps@storygodmother.co.uk with COACHING 9.7.25 in the subject and you will be entered into the draw. All entries must be received by Wednesday 9th July 23:59GMT. I will contact the lucky winner directly, so if you haven’t heard anything, please assume you’ve not won on this occasion, but please do try again next time!
STORY GODMOTHER WRITING COMMUNITY
Do you use Facebook? Great – join the Story Godmother Writing Community on Facebook. It’s a free, private and friendly group, where writers can share encouragement, thoughts or interesting finds. I also share weekly writing tips, and I’m there to answer any questions you have. Come and join us! Story Godmother Writing Community
It’s a private group and a friendly bunch – a safe space for you to grow as a writer. And it’s absolutely free.
If you request to join, please do make sure you answer the membership questions and agree to the group rules.
END NOTES
Thanks for reading!
If you’ve found this newsletter helpful, please do spread the word to other writers you know – the more, the merrier! There are 498 of you subscribers out there, so I'll put on something special when we hit the half-a-K!
With writerly love,
Story Godmother x