What We're Really Wired For.
One of the most underestimated parts of high performance isn’t strategy, skill, or discipline.
It’s connection.
Not networking. Not appearances. Not “how many contacts can I rack up on LinkedIn.” I’m talking about real, soul filling, life giving connection with people you know, love, and trust. The kind of connection that sharpens you, softens you, and keeps you human.
I’ve had seasons where everything looked great on paper. Clients were happy. Projects were landing. Money was flowing. My calendar was full of success. From the outside, it looked like I was cruising. But inside? I felt hollow. My motivation sagged. My patience ran thin. Every minor annoyance hit harder than it should have.
Here’s the kicker: it wasn’t burnout. I wasn’t working too much. I was just disconnected.
Being alone too long will drain your soul faster than any twelve hour workday. We’re wired to live, work, and thrive with other people.
You can get far on grit, but you’ll go farther and feel lighter with people beside you. When you stumble, they’ll pick you up. When you lose perspective, they’ll remind you what actually matters.
The problem is, when life starts to fray, most of us do the exact opposite of what we need. We pull back. We isolate. We convince ourselves we need more discipline, more focus, more “me time.” We double down on the hustle. But, discipline isn’t the problem. Connection is.
I’ve learned this the hard way.
I love freedom. I love being in control of my time and my work. But when I don’t invest in genuine connection, I turn into a worse version of myself. Restless. Irritable. Distracted. Even when everything should feel fine, it doesn’t.
Here’s why: your nervous system is built to co-regulate. Which is just science’s way of saying we function best when we’re not carrying the load alone. Without safe, meaningful relationships, resilience fades. Focus slips. Patience shortens. Hope leaks out the bottom.
And, the cruel irony?
The more depleted we feel, the more we isolate.
This is why some of the toughest, most disciplined leaders still spiral. They think they have a discipline problem when really they have a connection problem. They’ve built entire careers mastering productivity and self control, but their inner life collapses because nobody’s walking with them.
Connection is a performance enhancer. The right people make you sharper, calmer, and more courageous. They encourage you when your self talk is trash. They remind you of the bigger picture when your tunnel vision is nothing but deadlines and to do lists. They don’t just help you succeed, they help you stay sane.
That’s why I’ve built a habit into my weeks: one conversation with no agenda. Not about fixing. Not about achieving. Just connection. A coffee with a friend. A walk with someone I love. A slow, unhurried conversation with someone in my inner circle.
Because love isn’t just a feeling. It’s showing up. And, deep love gives you grace for flaws, patience for rough edges, and energy for the whatever battle you’re facing.
When my connection tank is full, I’m more creative. More resilient. More patient. I make better decisions. And, I actually enjoy the work.
So if your motivation is flat, your fuse is short, or your energy feels thin, it might not be a discipline problem. It’s probably a connection problem.
Connection doesn’t happen by accident. You have to make space for it.
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Reflection Questions:
Where am I actually drawing energy from people lately and where am I running low?
Who in my life could I intentionally deepen a connection with this week?
What’s one small step I can take in the next seven days to refill my connection tank?
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Steve Knox | Birmingham, AL
\\\ Thanks as always for reading. Please forward and share this out to your connections. Until next time. Be honest. Be you. Much love.