The Hero Trap.
Leaders love to play the hero.
We swoop in, cape flapping, to save the day.
It feels noble. It feels productive. It feels like we’re proving our worth.
And, honestly, it is fun. Who doesn’t like being the one who fixes the mess, saves the project, or puts out the fire? There’s a little dopamine hit every time you’re the answer to someone else’s problem.
You feel important.
Needed.
Indispensable.
But, here’s the dirty little secret: rescuing is almost never about them. It’s about you.
Think about the last time you saved the day at work. Maybe a staff member fumbled the ball and you grabbed it and ran with it. Maybe a project manager froze and you stepped in to calm the client. Maybe your team was struggling to make a really difficult decision and you made it for them.
Now, ask yourself: why did you jump in?
Was it truly because no one else could handle it?
Or, because you were afraid they might mess it up, and that would reflect poorly on you?
Or, because you couldn’t stomach watching someone struggle when you could do it faster?
Or, because you like being the hero?
That last one stings.
But, it’s true more often than we care to admit.
You see, my friend, rescuing feeds the ego. It whispers, “You’re the smartest person in the room. You’re the one keeping this ship afloat. Without you, everything would fall apart.”
It’s intoxicating.
But it’s also a trap.
If ego is one half of the trap, fear is the other.
Fear that the team won’t get it right.
Fear that their failure will slow things down.
Fear that if you don’t fix it, people will realize you’re not in control.
Fear that if they can do it without you, maybe you’re not as essential as you thought.
Fear makes leaders micromanage. Fear makes leaders hover. Fear makes leaders step in just this once every single day. The more you rescue, the more you confirm the lie that you’re the only one who can handle it.
And, then, ironically, you create the very thing you were afraid of: a team that actually can’t handle it without you.
Every time you rescue, you train your people not to think.
You send the message, “Don’t worry about figuring this out, I’ll handle it.”
Over time, they stop bringing you ideas. They stop solving problems on their own. They stop stretching. They stop growing. Why would they? The hero is on call 24/7.
And, so, you become the bottleneck. You become the firefighter-in-chief.
You become the exhausted leader wondering why your team doesn’t take initiative.
The answer is simple: you trained them not to.
Coaching is the alternative.
Coaching is slower in the moment but stronger in the long run. It means you resist the urge to fix and instead guide. You swap answers for questions. You trade quick wins for long-term growth.
Rescuing says, “I’ll do it for you.”
Coaching says, “I’ll help you think it through.”
Rescuing builds dependency. Coaching builds capacity.
Rescuing makes you the hero. Coaching makes them the hero.
And, that’s the point of leadership. Your job isn’t to be the star of the show. Your job is to make more stars.
So why is this so hard? Because rescuing is addictive. It’s a quick fix not just for the problem, but for your ego.
You feel useful. You feel important. You feel like the hero.
But, it’s the same as sugar, a quick hit now that leaves you drained later. You get hooked on being the answer, while your team gets hooked on never having to figure things out.
And, pretty soon, you’re tired, they’re weak, and nobody’s growing.
Coaching means letting people wrestle with their own mess. It means watching someone struggle, stumble, and even fail while you hold steady and don’t rush in. That’s brutal for a leader. Especially, when the stakes are high, where missteps can have serious consequences. The instinct to step in is strong.
But, here’s the difference: coaching doesn’t mean abandoning people. Coaching means staying present, asking better questions, and helping them learn how to think so next time, they won’t need you to step in.
It’s like teaching someone to ride a bike. At some point, you have to take your hands off the seat and stop pushing. They might wobble. They might even fall. But, if you never let go, they’ll never learn to pedal on their own.
Next time you feel the urge to rescue, pause and ask:
“Am I making this about me or about them?”
If it’s about you, your ego, your fear, your need to look good, then back off. If it’s truly about them, supporting, guiding, building, lean in.
Questions for Reflection
Where in your leadership are you most tempted to rescue?
What fear or ego sits behind that impulse?
When you step in, what message does it send to your team?
How might you shift from fixing to coaching in those moments?
What would it look like to make someone else the hero this week?
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Leadership is not about how many times you can save the day. That’s exhausting and unsustainable. Leadership is about creating more people who can save the day without you.
So hang up the cape. Step out of the Hero Trap. Stop rescuing and start coaching.
Because one builds a cape collection. The other builds a culture.
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Steve Knox | Carmel, CA
\\\ Thanks as always for reading. If you’re looking to become a better leader or want to develop the skill of coaching you should grab one of my Momentum or Transformation Coaching packages. It’s a skill I love to help folks master. Please forward and share this with the other cape-loving rescuers in your orbit. Much love.