Here’s something I’ve learned the hard way:
you can’t fix someone else’s emotional instability.

Nope, amigo. You can only manage your own.

It’s one of the hardest lessons to learn, especially when the person is someone you love, work with, or feel responsible for.

I get it. You want to help. You want to reason with them, steady them, talk them out of the storm. But, when emotions are unsteady, logic doesn’t land.

What they need most isn’t your opinion, it’s your calm.

I’ve been around people who can turn peace into panic in a matter of seconds. One moment things are fine, the next it’s chaos, sharp words, blame, confusion, or silence. It’s like the emotional temperature in the room spikes 20 degrees without warning. And, if I’m not careful, I get pulled right into the fray.

But, here’s the thing: you don’t have to join someone else’s storm to show you care. You can love them deeply and still stay grounded. You can be compassionate without being consumed. You can choose calm over control.

When someone around you is emotionally unstable, your main job isn’t to correct them, it’s to protect your peace.

Because, you can’t be their anchor if you keep letting go of your own.

Here’s what that looks like in real life:

1. Don’t take the bait.
Not every reaction deserves a response. Some people thrive on emotional entanglement because it gives them a sense of power or connection. When you stay quiet or calm, they may see it as withdrawal or indifference, but what you’re really doing is preserving clarity. Silence can be strength. Space can be healing.

2. Keep your boundaries.
Kindness doesn’t mean unlimited access. You can be generous with love and still guard your time, energy, and mental space. Emotional stability requires emotional distance sometimes. You can care about someone without carrying for them. The difference is compassion with boundaries, not codependence disguised as help.

3. See the pain, not the performance.
Most unstable behavior is fear or hurt in disguise. Anger, control, manipulation, they’re all masks for something deeper. When you can see the pain beneath the behavior, you move from judgment to understanding. It doesn’t mean you excuse what’s unhealthy, but it helps you stop taking it personally.

4. Stay curious, not controlling.
When someone is spinning out, your instinct might be to fix it or talk sense into them. That rarely works. Instead, stay curious. Ask yourself: “What’s this really about?” Curiosity keeps your heart open without getting dragged into chaos. You don’t need all the answers, you just need to stay present enough to see what’s true. What’s really going on.

5. Remember: this is not your storm.
You can walk through it, but you don’t have to build your house in it. The storm belongs to them. Your role is to keep your footing and avoid getting swept away.

Being the steady one doesn’t mean you’re cold or detached. It means you’re strong enough to stay soft. It means you can hold compassion without collapsing under the weight of someone else’s instability.

That’s not weakness, that’s leadership.

And, yes, it’s exhausting sometimes.

You’ll have moments where you question whether it’s worth it. You’ll feel misunderstood, or accused, or blamed for things that aren’t yours. And, in those moments, the temptation is to defend yourself, explain yourself, or match their energy.

Don’t.

You can’t out-shout insecurity. You can only outlast it.

The best way to love an unstable person is to stay stable yourself. It doesn’t mean you ignore them or walk away from them (though sometimes you may have to create distance). It means you become a quiet example of peace, not a participant in their chaos.

And, maybe the hardest part: letting go of the outcome.

You can’t heal someone who isn’t ready to face their pain. (Maybe reread that out loud 5 times).

You can model health, but you can’t manufacture it for them. There’s freedom in accepting that truth. It’s not your job to make them better, it’s your responsibility to stay well.

So when you find yourself in the middle of someone else’s emotional storm, take a deep breath and remind yourself:

I can’t control this. But I can control me.

You can still be loving, clear, and calm. You can still show empathy without losing your peace. You can still care without carrying.

Because, your calm matters, too.

When you stay grounded, you become a mirror of what’s possible. You show that peace isn’t about avoiding storms, it’s about learning how to stand in them without losing your balance.

So keep your heart soft. Keep your voice steady.
Be the safe place, not the storm.

That’s how healing begins.

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Steve Knox | Houston, TX

\\\ I hope this finds you at the right time. If you’re struggling or stuck, reach out. It’s a conversation worth having. Until next time. Be honest. Be you. Much love.