I really like you.
Likability is a secret weapon.
I’ve watched it help average performers get ahead. I’ve seen it keep underperformers in the game far longer than their results justify.
It’s not fair. But it’s true.
So, what makes someone likable?
Better yet—what makes you likable?
Because the most likable people I know aren’t just charming or smooth talkers. They have habits, patterns—things they do on purpose that make people want to be around them.
Here’s my top 10 list for being likable, magnetic and someone people want to work with:
1. You can’t take yourself too seriously.
Nobody wants to hang out with the guy who thinks he’s the center of the universe. A little self-deprecation goes a long way. When you can laugh at yourself, you become more relatable. Less of a threat. And, someone easy to relate to.
2. You gotta keep both feet on the ground.
Humility isn’t pretending you’re less than you are. It’s knowing exactly who you are—strengths, weaknesses, and all. No one enjoys being around an arrogant a-hole. They want to see and get to know the real you. Not a persona. The unfiltered, authentic soul who is comfortable in your own skin.
3. You must ask others about themselves.
Want to be interesting? Be interested. People remember how you make them feel, and nothing makes people feel more important than being heard. Switch the conversation off of what you’ve done. Who you know. How you can do x, y and z. And, onto them. Everyone is interesting if you are interested.
4. You have to pay attention.
You vote with your attention. Want to make someone feel seen? Look them in the eye. Put your phone down. Listen like it’s your job. Because you’ll never have this moment or conversation again. Presence is love in action.
5. Say Thank You, and mean it.
Gratitude isn’t a script. It’s an attitude. Be specific when you appreciate people, and they’ll remember how you made them feel. Write a card. Send a text. Pick up the phone. Heck, grab a coffee and let them know in person how much you appreciate them for who they are and specifically what they’ve done.
6. Don’t forget to smile with your eyes.
You can’t fake this. People pick up on micro-expressions—your real emotions leak through. When you’re genuinely present and positive, people will respond in kind. A genuine smile connects neurologically with any and everyone. Chances are they can’t help but smile back.
7. You gotta speak from your heart.
Authenticity is magnetic. When you let people see the real you—flaws and all—you give them permission to do the same. Vulnerability is power. So don’t be afraid to go first. To open up. To speak from the heart and let people see behind the curtain in healthy and relevant ways.
8. You must be generous.
Not just with money, but with time, attention, ideas, and encouragement. An abundant mindset makes people want to stick around. Generosity is contagious. Giving also frees you from the grip of self, which makes #2 from this list more real in your life.
9. You have to honor people’s time.
Show up when you say you will. End meetings when you promised. Respect people’s schedules. Being intentional with time communicates respect. And, respect builds rapport. Which leads to common ground. And, that’s a foundation you can both stand and build a future on.
10. Whatever you do, own your mistakes.
A real apology isn’t “I’m sorry you feel that way.” It’s: "I messed up. I’m sorry. How can I make it right?" Confession breaks down walls. It builds trust. And it makes you human. It also disarms whoever it is you’ve pissed off (knowingly or unknowingly) so that peace becomes possible.
Now, your turn.
What would you add to the list?
Because if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s this: the most likable people aren’t trying to be liked. They’re just showing up as the best version of themselves.
And, I’d love to hear what works for you.
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Steve Knox | Carmel, CA
\\\ Thanks as always for reading. Please forward and share this with your corner of the world. And, I’d seriously like to hear from you. Reply to this email with any topics, questions or ideas you’d love me to shine a little light on. Until next week. Be honest. Be you.