Five ways people decide if they like us.
The latest research highlights the fact that most people decide in less than 5 seconds if they like us or not.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
Decision made.
We make snap judgments rapidly and subconsciously with very little information.
The old maxim, never judge a book by its cover, doesn't hold weight when it comes to first impressions, likability and attraction.
We judge. Label. And, decide that quickly.
The simple truth is: we are hardwired to perceive whether someone is psychologically safe, or a person to keep at arms-length.
According to science and research, long-term likability depends on a handful of key factors:
1. Imperfection
2. Commonality
3. Positivity
4. Confidence
5. Personal chemistry
Deep down, we dislike perfect people. They come across as fake. Performers. And, unapproachable.
Which makes sense, because we know they are not like us imperfect philistines. They're too polished, controlled, and plastic.
We're attracted to vulnerable, broken souls like us.
People who are real.
Approachable.
Authentic.
Messed up.
You know, people with tilted halos.
We really like folks who have something in common with us.
Shared passions.
Shared stories.
Shared wounds.
Shared aspirations.
Shared beliefs.
Shared goals.
We also want to be around people who are positive and encouraging.
But, not in an over-the-top kind of way. These kind souls make us feel better about ourselves and the world. They give us tangible hope. And, remind us of what we're capable of.
They somehow magically know when to back off and ease up.
Which of course comes back to confidence and shared chemistry.
At our core we all want to be known and appreciated. It's easy for us to develop a deeper connection with almost anyone if we're genuinely open, curious, and interested in them.
I know for me, chemistry can't be forced. The science backs me up on this. But, I have learned it can be nurtured and developed over time. That is, if I want to put in the effort.
It's more than just sparks flying between lovers. That's attraction.
The deeper, more meaningful connection is about care, support, appreciation and understanding.
This takes time.
Intention.
And, effort.
Some of the research I've read estimates that it takes about 400 hours of meaningful connection and shared experiences to genuinely develop a kindred spirit.
Crazy. But, true.
I'm also convinced that if we're not consciously focusing on improving our connection with someone, then we'll be less likable to them.
And, visa versa.
There's a universal principle at work here:
What we nurture grows.
What we ignore usually dies.
(Most of the time).
I don't know which of the above five likability factors you need to spend some time reflecting on, but I'd encourage you to start there.
Like today.
We are communal creatures with in-groups (people we like and trust) and out-groups (others we simply don't and won't connect with).
It's best to be honest and aware about who these folks are. And, how we relate to them.
Oh, one last thing: our success (and survival) largely depends on the cooperation of others.
Which is why likability is so damn important in life, and in business.
Wouldn't you agree?
-Steve Knox | Houston, Texas
+++
Thanks as always for allowing me to interrupt your day. This topic is super important. I would encourage you to read it a time or two more. And, don't forget to forward and share it with your in-group. They can benefit from being reminded of how important you are to each another.