Feelings and Facts.
Emotions can feel like facts. True story.
When I’m angry, it feels like someone must have done something wrong. When I feel disrespected, it feels like the other person meant to disrespect me. When I feel disappointed, it feels like someone failed me.
The sensations are real.
My chest tightens. My jaw clenches. Heat rises in my face. My body seems to be confirming the story my mind is already telling me. But, emotions are not the full story. They’re my brain’s best guess about what’s happening, not a perfect reading of reality.
Yep. The brain is a meaning-making machine.
It takes fragments of what we see, hear, and feel, then fills the gaps with stories drawn from our past. That’s why two people can live through the same moment and come away with totally different interpretations. We’re each pulling from a different personal library of memories and assumptions.
The problem comes when I treat those guesses as facts. I stop responding to reality and start reacting to my version of the story. And, I get myself into a world of hurt.
I’ve seen this play out countless times in clients. A sharp tone in a meeting, and suddenly you assume someone’s frustrated with you. Or, a vague text arrives, and your brain jumps to: they’re upset, they don’t care, they’re pulling away. All before you’ve asked a single clarifying question.
In business, that sparks conflict. In relationships, it kills trust.
That’s why I practice a pause. Asking myself a simple question: What else could this mean?
Instead of letting my first interpretation win, I force myself to come up with at least three alternate explanations. If someone’s quiet, maybe they’re processing. Maybe they’re tired. Maybe they’re worried about something at home. Just as possible as “they’re disengaged” or “they’re upset with me.”
This isn’t about ignoring my gut. My instincts matter. But, I’ve learned they’re sharper when I treat them as hunches, not conclusions. The pause gives me room to respond instead of react.
I even end my day by asking: Where did I jump to conclusions? Who do I owe an amends to? Where did my assumptions do more harm than good?
At first it was humbling. Over time, it is just freeing.
Here’s the payoff: when I stay curious, I give people the chance to be understood on their terms, not just through my filter.
That’s where breakthroughs happen. That’s how trust grows.
So next time you feel the rush of anger, disappointment, or betrayal, pause. Notice the story your mind wants to tell you. Then, ask yourself, What else could this mean?
Because that small pause can save your relationships, sharpen your decisions, and create more of the connection you’re actually craving.
Pen to Paper Questions
Where in my life am I treating emotions like facts instead of possibilities?
What story does my mind immediately tell me when I’m feeling hurt by someone?
How could practicing the pause create more trust in my closest relationships?
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Try it this week: when a strong emotion rises, pause and name three alternate explanations.
Then ask, don’t assume.
The pause will save you.
Every.
Single.
Time.
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Steve Knox | Carmel, CA
\\\ Forward and share this with the folks in your orbit. And, remember the pause. Until next time. Be honest. Be you. Much love.