Changes.
Crazy as it sounds, learning to let go is one of the easiest things to understand and one of the hardest decisions to make.
People hang on for lots of different psychological reasons.
Whether it's a sunk-cost mindset ("I've invested too much to give up") or a fear of being alone ("What if I can't find anyone else?") Even the smartest people come up with all kinds of rationalizations for holding on when they should really let go.
Maybe you're one of them?
If so, here's a list of positive tips for learning to let go:
Get Some Distance: Distance yourself from the situation, the person, or the problem. Physical and psychological distance gives you the necessary room to reflect on what's going down and how much it's negatively affecting you. Viktor Frankl once said, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response."
Focus on Yourself: Chances are the needs and craziness of the moment, person, or issue you're facing are choking the life out of you. It's okay to work on yourself, to be selfish, and take care of your own needs first. Don't feel guilty for finding the freedom and air you so desperately need.
Ride the Wave of Emotions: You're going to doubt and question as you ride the massive ups and downs letting go brings your way. That's normal life happening. Don't let your feelings dictate your decision; they will change moment by moment. Stay the course and acknowledge them as they come.
Find Someone to Talk To: You're going to need to process what you're going through with people you know, like, and trust. Don't isolate for too long. Reach out and be open to working through the situation with people who are there for you. Share openly. Letting go is a process you need to talk through with others.
Practice Forgiveness: Forgive yourself and others. Holding on to anger, hurt, or frustration will only lead to resentment. Acknowledge the pain but don't live there. Name it. Disappointment, disgust, dis-(you fill in the blank)... whatever it is, don't let it have power over you anymore. Then get curious about how you can live differently moving forward. As Frankl noted, "When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."
Take It Easy: And by easy, I mean be kind and gentle to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for failing to see how bad the situation was for your emotional and spiritual well-being. Regret is part of the deal. Did you know that regret means "to cry for what's dead"? If it's dead, don't carry it with you into your future. Cry it out, then dry your eyes so you can clearly see the path ahead.
I'm not sure which of the six points above resonates with you the most, but I'd start there.
Chances are your refusal to let go is tied up in the fact that you don't know what you're really worth.
That's a conversation worth exploring.
If you'd like some professional help, we can set up a time to connect. Simply reply to this post, and we can book a half-hour or so to help you finally learn to let go.
After all, your future is waiting.
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Steve Knox | Nashville, TN
/// Thanks as always for reading. I’ve been listening to Changes by Langhorne Slim & The Law on repeat. It’s worth a listen if you need a soundtrack to the above post. Don’t forget to forward or share this with a soul or two who needs it right now. Be honest. Be you. Much love and Godspeed.