Boundaries, beliefs and bellybuttons.
I've been on a handful of calls the past few weeks around the same issue: emotional regulation.
Specifically, a couple of different tone deaf souls in leadership positions who don't realize (or care about) the effect they have on the room.
What is this fancy psychological term, you ask?
Well, to quote the late great godfather of modern management theory, Peter Drucker, it's a leader's ability to effectively manage themself and work with others in a productive way no matter what stress they find themselves under.
I reckon old, Pete's right.
We are emotional creatures. Drop us in an intense situation and we will be revealed.
When we're squeezed, what's inside comes out.
Our character. Our true feelings. Our opinions. And, especially the fears that are driving us.
Now, as I peeled back the layers of what was being said and deeply listened, I realized that at the heart of these connected coaching conversations was a hyper-emotional colleague who was incredibly insecure and lacked boundaries.
You see, boundaries aren't like beliefs and bellybuttons. Nope. Not everybody has 'em.
I bring this up, because all of us have folks in our lives who don't know where they end and we begin. They struggle to set healthy boundaries. Fly off the handle. And, often times, they demand that everyone in their orbit feel the same way they feel they do.
Misery loves company isn't just some cliche'.
It's real.
Here's a quick checklist so you can know if you're dealing with one of these emotionally-off-balance souls:
Intense FOMO.
There's always some big drama.
They can't do anything alone (especially without involving you).
The absence of personal and professional boundaries.
Constant oversharing.
Guilt-tripping and blame are their favorite weapons.
They can go 'Zero to Angry' in seconds.
Dealing with such emotionally-off-balance souls can be draining and challenging, especially in professional settings where productivity and teamwork are paramount.
But, recognizing these warning signs and understanding how to navigate them can make a huge difference in maintaining your own emotional well-being. And, in being successful no matter who you're dealing with.
So, what can you do if you find yourself stuck in the same orbit of one of these insecure individuals?
Maintain Clear Boundaries: One of the most crucial steps is establishing and maintaining clear boundaries. Understanding where your responsibilities lie and where theirs begin. Politely but firmly fighting for these boundaries when necessary to protect your own emotional space and sanity.
Practice Self-Regulation: While you will never be able to control the behavior of others, you can control your own reactions. Practice self-regulation techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or taking a step back to assess the situation before responding. Pause. Then proceed. This will help you maintain a cool, calm composure and respond with grace.
Limit Exposure: If possible, limit your engagements with these individuals. While it may not always be feasible to completely avoid them, minimizing interactions can help reduce the negative impact they have on your emotional well-being and productivity. They'll take it personally. Don't sweat their reaction. Just do what you need to do to re-establish healthy ways of connecting, collaborating, and communicating.
Seek Support: Don't hesitate to ask for help from trusted colleagues, friends, or mentors who can offer perspective and guidance. Having a support system can help you navigate challenging situations and provide validation for your experiences. It's draining to be the only one managing this type of relationship alone. There's real strength in numbers. So reach out.
Lead by Example: If you're in a leadership position yourself, model the way when it comes to emotional well-being and setting healthy boundaries. Demonstrating these qualities can't help but positively influence the folks entrusted to your care. And, you'll create a more positive and productive environment for everybody else.
Suggest They Seek Professional Help: Lovingly point them to a resource who is better equipped in helping them. This could be a professional coach (like me), or a mental health professional who can help them understand their pattern of behavior, develop coping strategies, and learn how to practice emotional regulation in their everyday lives.
Remember, it's important to empathize with others and offer support where you can, but, it's just as important to prioritize your own emotional well-being.
So, recognize the signs of emotionally-off-balance souls and take proactive steps to work with them effectively.
And, whatever you do, don't forget: People aren't problems to be solved, people are souls to be loved.
You have the ability to choose how you respond. You alone are response-able to maintain your own emotional equilibrium and thrive in any environment.
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Thanks for reading. I hope this helps you lead with greater clarity and compassion. Please forward or share this email with your sphere of influence. And, have a beautiful day amigo!
Steve Knox | Somewhere in South Texas