A few thoughts on the inward journey.
For most of my life, I've lived with the tension of being a sensitive soul in a competitive world. Growing up, if I couldn't live up to an ideal, I'd simply bow out and not play the game.
It wasn't that I loved winning so much; it was that I dreaded the disappointment of losing. I hated disappointing my dad. I hated disappointing my friends. I hated disappointing my teachers. I hated disappointing God.
Most of all, I hated disappointing myself.
I'm not talking about striving for perfection. I'm talking about the crushing need to meet some perceived ideal, an unrealistic and unreachable standard. I now understand that what drove me to perform, people-please, and pretend was a deep-seated fear of rejection.
I bring all this up because many coaching conversations I have revolve around confidence—having faith that we possess what it takes inside. It's about finding the grit and self-belief to face life's challenges head-on.
I know firsthand that this is only possible if we back ourselves.
But before we can back ourselves, we have to choose ourselves. To choose ourselves, we must believe we're worth choosing—worth the time, the effort, the struggle, the fight, and worth loving.
When we feel loved, we feel safe. And when we feel safe, we explore.
We take risks.
We put ourselves out there.
We jump.
Henri Nouwen once said, "When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand."
This touch of love gives us the confidence to venture into the unknown.
I've said it before, and I'll keep saying it: we're either led by love or driven by fear in this life. Fear will drive us away from every good thing around us because fear is a liar.
Love, on the other hand, leads us inwardly to a place of confidence.
Confidence is a byproduct of taking risks, and when we take risks, we discover what we're made of, what we're capable of, and what's possible in our lives.
I also know that the only thing holding us back is that same-old-broken-record in our head—the one that questions everything, doubts, cuts us off at the knees, holds us back, and pushes us down. The one that refuses to believe.
It's possible to learn how to ignore that voice.
It's possible to change.
It's possible to start over.
It's possible to reinvent ourselves.
It's possible to keep going.
It's possible to risk loving somebody else and risk being loved.
As Nouwen beautifully put it, "The great challenge is living your wounds through instead of thinking them through."
The best way to be confident is to trust that we're worth loving. After all, we can't give away what we don't have.
Faking it until we make it doesn't work; that's a fear-fueled fantasy.
Compassion is a better place to start, especially compassion towards ourselves.
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Steve Knox | Somewhere on this spinning ball of dirt we call home
/// Thanks as always for reading. Forward or share this with your sphere of influence. And, send it to the one friend who is being driven by fear. Let them know that love will lead them into the future they’re searching for. Much love amigo. Be honest. Be you.