Here

My boxing instructor asked, "How are you?"

I murmured, "I'm okay."

Then the tears came. I was caught between the urge to leave the room and knowing I should stay.


She caught me there, but this wasn’t the first time I had this kind of release with the punching bag. Boxing has become one of the few places where my whole body finishes what my mind and heart have been carrying – the grief and rage I experience with my eyes open to the world, all intensified by becoming a parent.

My instructor pulled me aside to learn more. She stayed there, asking questions and listening, until my breath settled.
 It turns out crying after an intense boxing session is pretty common.

Remember how I told you in the first Here, Now, Close newsletter back in January about the Plum Village retreat I participated in? That’s the last time I cried so intensely, but it was a very different situation.



I didn't choose the LGBTQ+ affinity group for Dharma sharing, but the Parents one. That part of me needed tending. When it came my turn to share what’s heavy on my heart, I was so emotionally overwhelmed I could barely get the words out: "Now that I have a daughter, I have a newfound fear of death." There, I finally said it, into a room of collective silence.

One of the Sisters invited me to find my breath and asked for the sound of the bell.

Both of these moments weren't signs that something was wrong, but that intentional movement and meditation was working as designed: to help release what I’m gripping onto and then find a way back to myself. Even better when done with others.

We spend so much energy trying to cope, contain, or explain intense emotion. But most feelings aren't asking to be solved or even completely understood.

Sometimes they're asking for enough space to be made for our truth to emerge.

Where in your life do you feel safely witnessed? It could be a person, a place, a practice, or even a moment. I'd genuinely love to hear. If you'd like to reply, I'll be reading every one.

Now

Some practices for you to try from my Summer Care voice note series:

1. Connecting with the unseen (16 min) – relate to the living and the dead through other means

2. Strengthening the lungs to care for the heart (23 min) – the lungs are associated with grief, so try this three-part breath exercise

3. Relationship garden (12 min) – map and reflect who and what you care for/who and what cares for you

nb. These voice notes will disappear when the season is complete, so make sure to listen within the next weeks.

Close

When summer expands to its fullest potential… pause with a poem.

Spaciously,

Staci


P.S. The third iteration of my small group online course Align: Contemplative Care for Living with Death Awareness takes place again in October, new and improved from previous participant feedback. Join the interest list and receive more information on the course by updating your subscription preferences here.