Reflection #38 Grandparenting
The Gap Year: Reflection #38 Grandparenting
“I admonish and exhort all my sisters, both those present and those to come, to strive always to imitate the way of holy simplicity, humility, and poverty.” –Clare of Assisi
I’m learning how to be most humbly helpful to the parents of my grandkids. I’ve honed my diplomatic skills, self-discipline, and how and when to keep quiet. I’ve learned that my main speaking points are, “You are great parents”, and “You have wonderful children.”
I remember the many mistakes I made as a mother and am humbled. Thank goodness, our grown children are now the authorities on child-rearing. We follow their lead and strive to do as they wish with the little ones. Unless asked, I don’t offer my advice or opinion. I’ve learned to balance my love and concern with the acceptance that I am not in charge. In fact, I control nothing – which is surprisingly freeing. I can be most helpful when I am chauffeuring, baking cookies, taking kids to the theater or museum, and supporting tired stressed parents.
We learned our values from our childhood families and hope to instill these same values in our grandchildren. We believed in hard work and kindness. We valued fun gatherings and good food. We treasured one another’s company over objects. My family loved gathering on the front porch to watch the rainstorms come over the mountain with crackling lighting and booming thunder. My siblings and I loved to walk and bike and play make-believe in the alleyways. I hope to pass these same values on to my grandchildren.
I listen to my three grandchildren. They have lives just as complicated as ours and face many of the same quandaries. They worry about being accepted by their friends and fitting in at the playground. They are capable of empathy, reflection, and action for good. They need to be reassured that they are important and can accomplish what they undertake.
I hope, through example, to pass on the activities I love. I love work. I find when I work with them, children love to work. I talk to them enthusiastically about my volunteer projects and take them with me when I can. They join me when I pull out my watercolors and crafts box. And I love telling them funny stories and the misadventures of my sons --their dads. We laugh together. They also enjoy seeing pictures of themselves— of when we first held them as infants and our times with them on vacations.
With over fifty years under our belts, we grandparents are historians. I remember drive-in theaters, the first time we saw a microwave and computer. I recall the sadness when President Kennedy was assassinated, the scandal of Watergate, and the protests of the Vietnam War. I’ll share these memories when the time is right. I’ll explain to them that we had to wear skirts to school, never pants even when it was freezing. But I won’t tell them I walked five miles to school since it was only one. Most importantly, I hope to pass on to them my sense of humor.
Now it’s your turn.
Take time to reflect and if in a group, share as you feel able.
As a “Grand” of the community, I:
a) remember my own mistakes and support parents from a humble point of view.
b) hope to share what I treasure and value with children.
c) share memories of earlier times when the time is right.
d) hope to pass on to children a sense of humor.