Reflection #10 This Barren Place
The Gap Year
Reflection #10 This Barren Place
“It is not far from the shores of silence to the boundaries of speech. The path is not long, but the way is deep. You must not walk there, you must be prepared to leap.” –Hildegard of Bingen
In this gap year I ask myself, “What can I plant in this barren place?” Can I trust that life is more elastic than thought? So, I think outside the box and draw upon the resources and excitement of my hopes and dreams to build a richer fuller identity; one that will fill the spaces and losses of my life. When one thing vanishes, space is created for something new to begin. Just because it’s the way I’ve always done it doesn’t mean I have to keep doing it that way. Life’s circumstances have changed.
We cannot move into the joys and responsibilities of this new phase in life without first going through a transformative process. If we continue to work from the same ego motivations and ambitions that fueled our progress in the work world we may, without intent, transfer our middle age modius operandi into these later years. As we set our emotional house in order and reduce the pull of our ego, we can serve others without sabotaging with a hidden agenda of unfulfilled needs. Caught up in earlier ways of being and doing, we will not be able to move past the mentality of career orientation.
I try not to linger too long thinking about the “lasts”. Instead, I strive to greet the “firsts” and yet-unseen “next” that is just around the bend. Each ending is also a beginning. Just when I think I know the size and shape of my life, something proves me wrong.
We ask ourselves, what new aspects of identity have come to replace the old? Do I have a new hobby or vocation? Have I begun new relationships? How am I filling gaps and crevices that come with aging or retirement? Can I imagine new adventures and possibilities to replenish my identity?
I am allowing room to change. Who I am and will be is coming gradually. I am finding other dimensions opening in which my identity comes not from what I do, but from who I am. A new hierarchy of values is gradually emerging based not on youth, social status, or intellect -- but on values I’ve held but now deepen; inner development, selflessness, readiness to serve others, joy, and moral relevance.
Now it‘s your turn
Take time to reflect and if in a group, share as you feel able.
The story of my life is
a) Full of meaning and purpose.
b) in process, and I am learning and growing each day.
c) insignificant. I just want to be happy today.
d) not under my control, and others determine my future.Gap Year