August 28, 2025

🧨 Before You Explode: Use the 10-Second Rule to Handle Conflict Like a Pro

_{Hello Hello!}

_{Who hasn’t lost their cool? Who hasn’t heard something that hit the wrong nerve and reacted in a way they regretted later?}

_{I’ve done it. Many times. Less at work — more at home. Especially with my ex-wife (maybe she’s my ex because I lost my cool too often 🙂).}

_{But here’s the thing: a lot of those moments could’ve been avoided if I had just paused before responding. If I had given myself a little space between what was said to me and what I said back.}

_{Because once the words are out, it’s hard to pull them back. Even with an apology, sometimes the damage is done.}

_{In today’s newsletter, we’re talking about keeping your cool — about practicing a bit more stoicism in moments that trigger us. It’s not about being passive. It’s about being intentional.}

_Enjoy,

_{— Aderson}

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🧨 Before You Explode: Use the 10-Second Rule to Handle Conflict Like a Pro

Ever said something in a meeting you instantly regretted?

Ever fired off a Slack message only to wish you could delete it... along with the entire thread? Yeah, me too. Conflict brings out the worst in us sometimes — especially when we react without thinking. But what if I told you that waiting just 10 seconds could save your reputation, your relationships, and your sanity?

That’s what this post is about. It’s not magic. It’s just the 10-Second Rule.

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👀 Key Points:

• 🧯 Catch Yourself Before You React

• 🧘 Use the 10 Seconds to Shift Your Focus

• 💬 Respond Intentionally, Not Emotionally

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🧯 Catch Yourself Before You React

This is the real battle: noticing the heat before you burst into flames. Most of us don’t even realize we’re reacting — we just do. That’s why this first moment is so important.

Catch the trigger. It could be someone questioning your work, dismissing your input, or just having an annoying tone. Pause. Don’t say anything for 10 seconds. You’re not weak for staying quiet — you’re strong for holding your ground.

Here’s a practical cue: When you feel your chest tighten, your heart race, or your jaw clench… that’s your cue. Breathe. Count to 10 (in your head, please).

Silence can be a superpower when you use it on purpose.

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🧘 Use the 10 Seconds to Shift Your Focus

Those 10 seconds aren’t just dead air — use them.

Ask yourself:

• "What’s really bothering me?"

• "Is this about ego or progress?"

• "Do I want to be right, or do I want to be effective?"

It’s incredible how much clarity you can gain in just a few seconds. Your focus shifts from reactive to responsive. You stop making it personal and start thinking strategically.

And here’s the kicker: Even if the other person is being unreasonable, you don’t have to join them in the chaos.

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💬 Respond Intentionally, Not Emotionally

Now that you’ve paused and reframed, you’re in a better place to respond. This doesn’t mean being passive — it means being in control. You can still call things out. You can still assert yourself. But do it with purpose, not just passion.

Examples of intentional responses:

• “Let me think about that before I respond.”

• “Can you help me understand what you meant by that?”

• “Let’s circle back once we’re all a bit calmer.”

These phrases buy you time, calm the tension, and show maturity. Your manager will notice. Your team will respect it. And more importantly, you’ll feel proud of how you showed up.

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🪶 Final Thoughts

That 10-second pause? It’s small — but powerful. It gives you a chance to respond, not react. Over time, that simple habit protects your relationships, your reputation, and your peace of mind.

You won’t get it right every time. Just catch yourself once. Breathe. Then speak from the version of you that’s calm and clear.

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Personal Updates

• 🛠 Just a wish to you: Happy Labor Day!

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“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” — Viktor Frankl

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