mornings are portals
Dear friends,
Welcome to the very first issue of starshine & clay! I’m so excited to be here with you.
I’m writing from the warmth of my living room. There’s a window that is cracked open and the greyness of the rainy sky is pushing itself inside. There is a lot of wind swirling about and it’s one of those rainy days that don’t make you sad. On the contrary, it kind of feels like time has slowed, and the mind is quiet, and the water that seeped into my jacket during the commute home and then seeped into my clothes beneath is now a part of me and I am heavy with the water of the world. Which is to say, I am full of life and satisfied. Grateful. To be home, in the blazing warmth of my living room, writing to all of you.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the state of the world, and what it means to be a part of it. In times of great darkness, it can feel easy to catastrophize. Here in Philly, we’ve already felt the anxiety and brutal reality of ICE raids on the many ethnic communities who have made this place home. The car wash I pass each day on my daily walks is usually staffed by West African migrants, many of whom recently arrived from Mauritania. A few days ago, my mother walked by the same business and said it was severely understaffed. People are afraid to come out.
There’s a lot of fear right now. Warranted fear, no doubt. This week, I bring you a glimmer from my archives. It’s a blog entry I wrote a few weeks ago about morning routines and what they do for you. I’ve been keeping up with mine for the past month. What I’ve found is that rituals can be a deeply creative process that quiet fear. Ritual can bring through clarity about right action. My morning routine has been teaching me a lot about what it means to resist the fear that governments and systems put on us so as to confuse us about our power. If you’re feeling that call to quiet the fear, to remember who you are, to remember what communities and loved ones you care for, I encourage you to check out my blog on morning routines and creative self-regard
Morning Routines & Creative Self-Regard — SOJOURNER AHEBEE
How morning routines help us build trust within ourselves to move towards our wildest creative dreams.
💡*Nicki Minaj voice* i just had an epiphany!
positive obsession: For the past month, my morning routine has consisted of me getting up around 8 or 9 am, making myself a hot rooibos tea with milk, and working on a personal project of mine for 1-2 hours before work. Right now that looks like working on an original poetry podcast I’m co-hosting with some dear friends, working on this newsletter, or writing what I think might be called a middle grade novel(hehe). I find that I’m giddy to get out of bed each day. I’ve made it a ritual to light a candle as I work. It kinda feels like my creative energy made tangible. My work (read:job that pays me) day doesn’t start my “day-day” anymore and I’m thrilled to get to chip away at a small part of my project each morning. Sometimes the joy of knowing I get to work on MY project literally keeps me up at night. I’m reminded of what Octavia Butler wrote about obsession: “ A sweet and powerful, positive obsession, blunts pain, diverts rage, and engages each of us in the greatest, the most intense of our chosen struggles … Without positive obsession, there is nothing at all.” I am beginning to think that obsessions keep us in touch with our desires. And a life full of positive obsessions that are nurtured leads to some of the best forms of personal pleasure. What are your obsessions? What commitment could you make to meet with your obsessions each day?
creative flow: During therapy a few weeks ago, I was talking about finalizing a book project (formal announcement to come!) and how finally getting to finish something and see it through gave me new momentum to return to other works in progress. There was something about getting to release that project from my cognitive load that made things feel lighter and possible again. My therapist made the point that maybe I am someone who needs to be working on a few creative projects at one time that are at different stages of completion. I think she’s right. Starting something completely from scratch can be very daunting, so I think having 1-2 other projects that are further along in the process gives me energy to work on newer projects. And having “finished” work that’s in the pipeline to be released gives me faith that the other projects will see their day too. What have you been noticing about your own creative energy or momentum?
on fluidity: I recently had a call with a friend and we were talking about this narrative among creative people that in order to show up for your dreams or your actual creative practice, you have to do the same routine or ritual connected to that dream every single day. For instance, a version of this could go: “if you want to write a book, you should write for an hour every day.” One of my poetry teachers used to recite this one phrase aloud to her students incessantly: “not a day without a line.” I understand the power of accumulated actions over a long period of time but who says it has to be the same, regimented collection of actions each day? An obsession with routine over actual creative flow tends to stifle my creativity. Recently, I’ve been finding a lot of freedom (and forward momentum with my projects) by adapting to the moment and keeping a fluid morning routine where I give myself many options for the day and pick a few that resonate with me THAT day. Are there places in your own life you could be less rigid to make room for something else to grow?
🌧️ what’s pouring in (sojourner’s inspo)
a book a month: I have a goal this year to read at least one book each month. In January, I started reading N.K. Jemisin’s The Killing Moon, the first novel in her Dreamblood fantasy duology. For those who are not familiar with Ms. Jemisin, I like to describe her work as: if Octavia Butler and Toni Morrison had a baby. Her prose reads as a spell, heavy with poetry and the sting of a 1000 truths unfurling around you. The Killing Moon will have you in a chokehold. The world itself is the first character you will meet (typical for a Jemisin novel). And in this world, there are a people who are guided by an ancient faith system, and another people who have abandoned this faith system due to its capacity for destruction. What unfolds in the chapters of this book will test your own faith in the characters you grow to love, and you'll question what it even is to destroy and what it means to protect.
internet magic: For the past few months, I have been traveling throughout the portal that is Kening Zhu’s website. Kening is a powerful artist and writer who writes about many things including the fact that a website should feel like a home(not a brochure). And her website feels like a warm hug in your childhood kitchen, or a make-believe castle you dreamed up on the floor of your bedroom as a kid. Yes, it’s just that good (go take a visit for yourself)! She also maintains a lovely blog on creative process, growing a business as a creative entrepreneur, from dreamy tarot reflections, guides on creative energy and rituals, and vibrant illustrations of her travels. And it’s all grounded by the soft honesty and clarity of her voice. It’s safe to say that I am absolutely OBSESSED and she’s inspired a lot of my desire to start a newsletter and revamp my own creative rituals. One last thing: I have to share her podcast, where she distills many of the reflections on her blog in audio form: botanical studies of internet magic.
a movie about a hot summer day: In honor of Black History Month, I’d like to watch a movie by a Black director with a majority Black cast for each day of February. To ring in this commitment, I rewatched Spike Lee’s Do The Right Thing with my beloved(who was seeing it for the first time). My gosh. What a world a few city blocks full of Black folks can hold. You follow this community on one of the hottest days of the year. The summer heat is a whole character in of itself. The film feels so much like a play, but in the best way possible. Spike brilliantly contains the entire narrative in a single HOT day while racial tensions between the Italian-American pizzeria owner and the Black community he and his sons serve SWELL. BONUS: You also get a young Samuel Jackson as the smooth, local, soul radio DJ , young Rosie Perez serving LOOKS and ATTITUDE, Ruby Dee as the nosy Black neighbor that sits on her stoop, and Ossie Davis as the neighborhood Mayor.
🍲let her cook
My obsession with cooking really coincided with my first major career break, a period of my life where I was finally coming to terms with my immense work-induced burnout, and the overwhelming sense of directionless-ness I felt as an artist and a person. Then, it was hard to even be sure of my own desires as I had followed someone else's path for so long. I had been so out of tune with listening and being in my own voice. Who was I to say what I wanted or who I was? But in the kitchen, sounds, colors, smells, and my tastebuds collided and created a new reason for living: Pleasure. The point was to nourish others through food and to nourish myself. Cooking is fundamentally about marrying process with pleasure. Presence with pleasure. Intuition with pleasure. For the past two years, I practiced just that. Every onion I chopped invited me to treat crying as a skillful process of release. Every stew I brought to a boil challenged me to take into account the balance of salt, the heat of spices… in other words, cooking sharpened and affirmed my intuitive voice, the one I had cast away as useless and unworthy. In the kitchen, I met myself again..
That’s just to say, cooking has imparted some very important lessons about living. And I’d love to share them here with you in the container of this newsletter. Twice a month, I’ll share a recipe I enjoy cooking and a little bit about what the process gives me. Look out for the first installment in two weeks :)
🫴🏿 from me to you
On March 15, 2025 I’m teaching a 2-hour poetry workshop at Making Worlds Bookstore & Social Center in West Philly. The workshop centers on the rich tradition of African-American oral storytelling, particularly stories that are passed down through Black families/communities and are laden with lessons about joy, survival, and creative expression. We’ll read poems by poets like Jericho Brown, Nikky Finney, and yours truly that engage ancestral themes/narratives. I’ll guide folks through some generative writing prompts and discussion questions that help us explore our own relationships to our ancestors(both biological and chosen). And folks will get to generate their own ancestral story/poem. If there are folks that are interested in the workshop but are not local to Philly, please write to me. I’d love to make this class available online in some capacity if there is interest. The in-person workshop will be capped at 15 participants, RSVP event link is forthcoming!
In the meantime, here’s a picture of little sojo with one of her favorite ancestors: great aunt Lillian!
Thank you, Aunt Lillian, for being the lap I laid the back of my head in when I came to the United States for the first time, for braiding my hair and feeding me sweet treats, for always being the safe home we could come to to rest and gossip and vent, for preserving the cooking of the Black south (read: North Carolina!) in your Southwest Philadelphia kitchen, for living fully and making your own wine.
into the archives
tarot creative diary no. 0 - what is ancestral tarot?
I’ve been talking to my ancestors for years, and more recently I’ve been experimenting with a self-guided tarot practice to communicate with these loved ones. I’ve been writing about what that practice feels and looks like on my “ancestral tarot” blog series. Here’s an older post that’s sort of an introduction to what I’m calling “ancestral tarot” and a bit about who my ancestors are. Do you talk to your ancestors? And if you don’t already, what kind of relationship do you want to have with them? Would love to hear your thoughts in an email, drop me a message!
How To Use Tarot To Talk To Your Ancestors — SOJOURNER AHEBEE
Our ancestors have messages for us. I harness these messages through the power of tarot and you can too. Read my weekly ancestral tarot diaries about the big life themes pushing us towards our wildest desires.
💫À la prochaine (until next time) !
I’ll leave you with one more snapshot into my reading journal and these words by poet, Krista Franklin:
“my tongue, temple, my thoughts, reflect… my thoughts, a warm orchestra I conduct.”
from the footsteps of my desires to yours,
🦉sojourner