I raved from 10pm to 6:30am and I feel healthier and happier for it. There is something counterintuitive about it all. I mean, we all have to drink water, eat food, and get enough rest. But we also need to be fully-embodied and in deeper levels of communion with loved ones and others in our communities. It’s also important to eat very small pieces of fruit while trying to make it last as long as possible. Make sure you kiss each fruit, too. It feels really good, and then when you take 6 nibbles to eat a single green grape, it will feel like you’re eating a good friend.

There isn’t very much room for all that nourishes us in the world of hegemonic convention. There isn’t room to randomly run into a friend and draw while discussing the function of art. Nor is there room to consensually place your hands all over your friends bodies and drinking pretend throw up (vomit) and have that be an OK and normal form of expressing love or communicating. There is always times when we experience joy with our people, but it’s just NOT ENOUGH. WE DONT SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH OUR LOVED ONES. WE DONT SPEND ENOUGH TIME CO-CREATING MOMENTS OF JOY. We spend more time living in a manifestation of anxious cyclic thought patterns pushing us into dark places. We are always world building. The material world that gets built is a reflection of our inner world. (Who benefits from your inability to dream?)

I feel so pushed to alienate myself from my body and my wholeness. It can feel tempting to choose alienation as a way to be good at your job and your projects and your art, but it is the wrong approach.

I’ve spent at least 10 attempts at reading “The Dispossesed” by Ursula K. Le Guin. And only recently the book began to sing to me (I’m still reading each page like 5 times to get through it). But her writing is so rich and full of visual poetics that creates the world for her to drive the point she is trying to make.

If I’m over working, or not taking time to be grounded, then this book would be entirely illegible to me.

I can’t count the number of cute cards and notes and small pieces of useless art I owe to everyone I love. I owe everyone so much. Maybe my infinite TODO list should support my journey to becoming debt free.

This morning after my little nap, I just kept thinking about the stark contrast of who I was earlier this year and who I am now. I can’t stop thinking or writing about this. It was a moment for my inner guide to shine her light upon the future - where I am now. All periods of struggle end. All periods of ease end.

In these times of more ease, and clarity, I do my best to cultivate intentionality. For relationships, work, life, spiritual and physical well being. This is my opportunity to create sustainability.

I’ll be in LA mid December to the New Year. While I’m feeling sad to be away from literally all my cherished ones, I’ll be making the most of warm weather, the possibility of bears, dog sitting a very old grey hound, and bringing new life and intention to my relationship with self.

Hope everyone has a nice holiday and new year. PEACE.

MOON