Resistance 🗞️ Slow News Day #45

Hey,

It’s always there. Nagging, gnawing. Sometimes shouting as loud as it can in my ears and rattling my skull. Sometimes a weak whisper. Only every now and again is it gone completely.

I wake up to my alarm and prop myself up to try and stay awake, inevitably falling back asleep in an awkward position. An hour or so later, I wake up and blearily swipe around on my phone.

I go downstairs and make tea and heat up breakfast. I sit at my computer, eating and drinking, promising myself an easy start — checking Twitter or watching a YouTube video — before the workday begins.

Then that easy start stretches out for a couple of hours. I prickle and grumble to no avail and before I know it, it’s basically lunchtime. So, I make a coffee and begrudgingly, frustratedly accept that I won’t really get started in the next 30 or 60 minutes, so I’ll do a full reset after lunch and go from there.

I finally get around to putting some fingertips to keys and get some stuff started, but I end up back in the comfier reaches of the internet regularly. I kick myself for my lack of focus. I get into a good flow around 15:00 and power through until 18:00 or 19:00. At that point, I’m telling myself I shouldn’t be working so late, or that I shouldn’t have left it so late to get going, or that I should really push a bit harder to change it tomorrow.

Can't I just stop resisting it all? I feels like every hour of every day, I'm pushing back against myself and telling myself I should be doing things differently. If I let it happen and choose to do the stuff that I’m inevitably going to do regardless of whether I harangue myself for it, will I feel better? Will I find that I actually want to change or will I feel comfortable? I haven’t got a clue, but it’s got to be worth trying instead of this self-flagellating routine I’ve whipped into myself.

As a separate note, I feel like this is a regular refrain for this newsletter, so forgive me if you feel like I’ve told you this sort of thing before. Clearly, I’ve not found a reliable way to let go of my resistance yet.

Slow down guide

Need a little help moving slower?

Ease your way out of Friday afternoon with this newsletter, a nice cup of something, and a little background music. Steal my setup if you aren't sure where to start.

After I press send, I’ll be brewing the last of Giraffe’s Ethiopia Uraga (mentioned last week). I started off not enjoying this one so much — it’s a bit one-dimensional and dark, especially for an Ethiopian brew. As I’ve made my way through the bag, though, I’ve really come to appreciate it. It’s simplicity is kind of refreshing from the fruity, jazzy beans I usually prefer and it makes for an easy drink. I guess I chose to stop resisting it for what it is.

And why bother with a jazzy bean when I can enjoy the jazzy tones of Brownstone by Prima Queen. It sounds really good — lovely 00s’ indie guitar and the like — but then… HORN SECTION! Yes, of course, a perfect addition. Genius. Inspiration. Honk hoot. What more could we ask for?

Take it easy,