Hey,

I’ve been taking Sertraline for two and a half years or so. I started at a time of desperate need and have no regrets—in fact, I’m proud of the bravery and self-love I showed in seeking the prescription at that time.

A year or so after first getting my prescription, I had a medication review with my GP. “You don’t really want to be on them forever, so if you’re feeling okay right now it could be a good idea to try and come off them.” (Certainly not their exact words, but an approximation as best I can remember.)

So I tried. A week later I was in a fucking bad place all over again. It was sudden. Severe. I felt dangerously out of control of my emotions and responses to them. I returned to my original dose a little later and took on board the idea that I’d failed and would need to stay on them indefinitely—despite my doctor’s belief that one should aim to do the opposite.

Last week, I had my first medication review since that bad first attempt at reducing my dose. In effect, I’ve kicked the can down the road. “Don’t want another bad experience, so let’s just hold out for a little longer and see where I am at the next review.”

I was a mess of judgements—that I’m somehow not having the truest physical experience of life with a medical aid to assist my journey through it. That I’m failing myself. That I’m weak and broken.

Then I spoke with my therapist. It was a real lightbulb, new-perspective, how-did-I-not-get-this-already moment. How many doctors prescribing antidepressants have taken them? How many have actually experienced tapering off? How do they know that halving your dose is a healthy and appropriate way to approach it?

A slower approach, she said, has almost always proven to be effective for her clients. Quartering the dose—in her personal experience and those of her clients—has worked better. More important, though, is to reflect on the systems I’ve built for myself. Do I feel better equipped to process my emotions and accept them, rather than judge myself for feeling them, than I have done previously?

A slower, broader approach suddenly made perfect sense. I’d just been moving at somebody else’s pace without realising it.

Slow down guide

Need a little help moving slower?

Ease your way out of Friday afternoon with this newsletter, a nice cup of something, and a little background music. Steal my setup if you aren't sure where to start.

After I press send, I’m going to go wild and enjoy an iced filter from Curve Coffee—Margate’s finest who most certainly know their way around a bean. That’s one of my favourite parts about roving as we are right now: more coffees to try, more roasters to visit, more delicious treats-that-aren’t-really-treats-because-I-have-them-all-the-time.

Give The Golden Dregs a go this week—I don’t think I’ve heard a voice that baritone before but I’m glad I have. Their rise-and-fall toe-tapper Nobody Ever Got Rich (By Making People Sad) should be a good place to start.

Cool drinks and deep voices. Let’s see what the weekend has for us.

Take it easy,