Lines 🗞️ Slow News Day #73

Hey,

Sometimes, when I stop and really look in the mirror, I see the lines.

Big brackets where I smile, tiny rivulets by my eyes, a deep fault line between my eyebrows — I seem to wear a frown by default, but never really notice. There are two clear stripes across my forehead, the imprint of surprises past.

I track my hairline obsessively. Is my widow's peak tracking further back? Are the hairs that stand alone in a tiny island of skin leftover like tidemarks or have they just grown a few millimetres off course by chance?

“Hello, Joe,” I say. “I see you.”

I look in that mirror, look at the blue-green of my eyes and try to catch my pupils to dilating.

“I see you, mate.”

I don’t mind the idea of growing older. I’ve had grey hairs since I was 16. I look at that face, marked and changing, and feel a gentle warmth. A little flush of love.

Face, body, self. Carrying me through it all, taking a hit every now and again, and leaving little reminders that things pass after a while.

I’ve noticed I’m losing more hair at the moment. I think this period of heightened anxiety has had a part to play. Every shower seems to stutter with little gingery-brown punctuation marks, speaking up for the turbulence going on. Maybe it was going to happen anyway. Maybe it’s okay, whatever the case.

I feel some kind of love for myself, when I stop and look closely. If I just flash past myself in the hurry of the day, I can feel bitter or resentful. When I stop, though, and see myself in the bright light of the bathroom mirror… it’s only love. A quiet, tender, gentle feeling — but undeniably love.

“I see you, Joe, trying your best. Trying hard.”

Slow down guide

Need a little help moving slower?

Ease your way out of Friday afternoon with this newsletter, a nice cup of something, and a little background music. Steal my setup if you aren't sure where to start.

After I press send, I’m going to continue my steady return to caffeination. I’ve had a couple of weeks on the peppermint teas (very happily, might I add) as I’ve been readjusting to life on Sertraline. This week, I’m cracking open a bag from Forty Five in Falmouth. Tiny little cafe with a micro roasting operation. Taking a very low-stakes chance with it. Coffee’s coffee, innit.

And my song of choice is out of left-field, I’ll admit it. Eddie Rabbitt’s I Love A Rainy Night is the one to spin this week. Those of you who played GTA San Andreas will know and love it, but it’s not just nostalgia that makes this worthy. The melody is lovely, his vocals sound great - and, like, ever so slightly out of time? - and there’s some beautiful, light-handed guitar tones in there alongside that lick-tastic solo. That click-clap rhythm, that bridge, and that punchy little ‘Ooh, ooh’ refrain. One of the best to do it. Cheers, Eddie.

Take it easy,