Hey,

I’ve got a bunch of friends who are going about having kids in a way that really pleases me and feels refreshing.

See, growing up, I think I took in this idea that having kids is an act of ultimate sacrifice—that it’s the moment you abandon yourself and your interests in service of another. It’s everywhere in our media and, I think, was the predominant view around me. You live your life, then you have kids.

That never sat right with me and I don’t love that I still see it in the world. I do love that I’m learning it’s not an absolute rule, thanks to friends and family who are proving otherwise.

I’ve friends who are approaching parenthood with a ‘trust the process, don’t get sucked into the need to have a million and one things’ attitude. Who already have plans to continue their hobbies and interests—but in adapted ways to fit their new responsibilities. Who steadfastly refuse to give up themselves, their work, or their passions for parenthood.

Of course, they all know that things will change. And they fully expect to be caught out and surprised by certain moments. But they’re starting from a position of adapting their lives, rather than restarting them.

The rules are fake, aren’t they? We just have to be brave enough to question them… or even realise that we’re following some deep-seated, insidious rules in the first place.

It doesn’t really change my position on having kids, but these friends and family members inspire me in plenty of other ways.

To live a life on my terms and to refuse the things that don’t fit.

Slow down guide

Need a little help moving slower?

Ease your way out of Friday afternoon with this newsletter, a nice cup of something, and a little background music. Steal my setup if you aren't sure where to start.

After I press send, I’ll be cracking open a bag of North Star’s Burundi Kigeri roast. We’re up in Yorkshire, so it’s only fair that I sample some of the local offerings! I love North Star for their quality and their ethos. They put impact at the heart of their work, practicing direct trade and above-Fairtrade standards. I’m pretty sure I shared some of their coffees around this time last year, when we spent some time in Harrogate. Old habits, eh?

Take Idrissa Soumaoro’s Sababou for a spin to set your afternoon up on the right note. It’s got such a lovely pace and movement to it. Textured and layered, without being overly complex. Listen a few times and try to tune in to the synths, if you can. There’s some good stuff to be found there.

Take it easy,

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