Having 🗞️ Slow News Day #41

Hey,

Having is evidence of wanting.

My therapist shared this idea with me a couple of weeks ago. I'd been explaining how I felt a bit low on energy, how I felt like I could stay in bed all day but didn’t want to waste the day.

Then she told me this quote, talked about Carolyn Elliott’s Existential Kink, and set me off on a big old thought train.

If you have it, some part of you wants it. I have the desire to stay in bed and I have the belief that I shouldn’t. I want them both.

We get what we want, whether we realise we want it or not.

It’s all a bit Jungian and ‘unconscious desire’. And it came to me at the right moment. There’s something powerful about realising that whatever I'm giving myself is what I want. I want to lie in bed all day and I want to tell myself I’m a piece of shit for it.

And so a litany of questions unravel — why do I want to tell myself I’m a piece of shit? Why do I want to sit in friction and discomfort? Why do I want to not enjoy something that I want?

(If you’re hoping for any answers to these questions, you’ll probably have to wait a while longer — sorry!)

But, man, it’s got me thinking. It’s a beautiful lens through which to look at my behaviour… and it’s scary. I’m responsible for it all. I’m choosing it all. Can I reach a point where I choose to sit with the resistance I give myself? When I let myself have the resistance that I want and look at it dead in the eyes... what will be on the other side of it?

It ties in with Radical Honesty, I think, and a bunch of other stuff we’ve looked at in our sessions. I often remember another quote she’s shared with me, along the lines of:

“You can have everything you ever wanted, as long as you're prepared for it to look nothing like you imagined.”

If that’s the other side of the coin, then I’m excited to flip it and see where we end up.

Slow down guide

Need a little help moving slower?

Ease your way out of Friday afternoon with this newsletter, a nice cup of something, and a little background music. Steal my setup if you aren't sure where to start.

After I press send, I’m not totally sure what I’ll be drinking. I’m on my way to Basildon on the train. Why Basildon? Well… yeah, that's a fair question. I’m taking the Eurostar to Rotterdam on Sunday and needed to be closer to London so I could catch the early train. But still, why Basildon? Jaye Shepherd works there and I booked a tattoo with him way back in January! The rest all just fitted in around it…

I can’t guarantee a coffee for you, but I can guarantee a banging musical choice for your Friday afternoon: W.I.F.I. by Wildermiss. I knew I wanted to share this song with you after about five seconds of first hearing it. The playful, wobbly synth line is so moreish and, bizarrely, wouldn’t sound out of place in a Slipknot, Skindred, or Limp Bizkit song. The rest of the track is good fun — lovely poppy vocals and fun takes on familiar patterns — but that synth really steals the show for me and turns a fun pop song into something bigger. If it sounds like a weird mix, I guess it is… but I really love how it all comes together. I hope you do, too.

Take it easy,