Consistent 🗞️ Slow News Day #74

Hey,

I used to hate it. The same old, the all-too-familiar drag of routine. It used to feel so default, so mundane in its existence and persistence.

Now it feels like a struggle to ever find it.

Consistency used to feel like a constriction. I’d wriggle away from it and get into something else for a time, start wriggling again, and repeat.

Now, a lack of consistency (as I’ve interpreted it) feels like it might be the root cause of a lot of my anxiety issues in recent months. No stable base, moving around the country (and continent), changes in my work, family, and friends.

I got into great running form in the first two thirds of the year—was consistent, enjoying it, and on for a ~55:00 10k. In fact, it was one of the only things that felt consistent to me. Then I got ill, got anxious, got COVID, got more anxious, got medicated, got side-effected sideways. Didn't really run for about three months.

Now, at the turn of the year and the incremental elongation of the days… it might be changing?

I’ve run twice this week. We had an offer accepted on a house last week. I’m rediscovering some old hobbies and interests. I feel a bit more connected and rooted in place (I refuse to even ironically scoff about living back at my parents’ house for the time being — it’s great, I love them, and I am happy here).

This change, this shift back to some sense of consistency, has come from hard reps of saying “no” to things—social events, travel, ideas. I’ve always been terrible at it. Even with the lowest stakes, I still struggle to say that I want something contrary to another person. I just default to stammering and saying an uncertain yes, then ruing it or getting anxious or feeling unwell. I've started saying no and started finding more of myself. It’s awkward as hell and uncomfortable in lots of ways, but it’s got to be worth it. What else is there, if not?

I’ve not been well. Now, a bunch of things I’ve chosen to do—and to say no to—are (possibly, just maybe) starting to pay off. There’s a long way to go yet, there’s a lot more to learn, but for the first time in three+ months, I feel a little hopeful.

Slow down guide

Need a little help moving slower?

Ease your way out of Friday afternoon with this newsletter, a nice cup of something, and a little background music. Steal my setup if you aren't sure where to start.

After I press send, I’m just about finishing off the bag from Forty-Five Coffee House in Falmouth that I mentioned before Christmas. It’s in my Dad’s clunky automatic bean-to-cup machine, which has its flaws and perks in equal measure. Still tasting good, still no good as a recommendation as they don’t sell online. Go out and support the smallest roaster you can find, I guess.

Before you head out the door—and remember to take a scarf, it’s biting out there—tune into Henry Hall’s See the Sun for 3:24. I’ve been listening to this again recently as it’s been a recurring earworm for nearly 10 years now. It’s a bit camp (think The Darkness), a bit dissonant (high-pitch harmonised chorus vs. surprisingly gutsy drums and reverb-blasted guitars), and a bit classic rock (serious solo licks and a couple of swirling ‘woos’). Basically, loads of fun and a brightener for any January day.

Take it easy,