Over the years, hearing people have said a lot of deeply silly things to me about deafness. Often they’re in question-form, and usually I’m open to talking about my own experiences, but sometimes things just Jersey Slide on over into weird:Can deaf people drive? (Yes, with our eyes.)

• Do deaf people use braille? (No, we read…with our eyes. Unless we are DeafBlind, then maybe!)

• Are deaf people allowed to get married? (Allowed!?)

• Do your ears get cold in winter? (Yep, they’re attached to my head.)

• Is this the sign for b*llshit? *Stares at hands for a while, attempts to make outdated sign for bullshit* (Kinda.)

Sometimes, they are offhand comments:

• But you don’t look deaf! (Huh?)

• Omg, my cousin’s friend’s girlfriend’s dog is deaf, too! (Cool?)

• Have you heard about sign language gloves/cochlear implants that will fix you/that viral video where they turn on the cochlear implant/ that viral video where a deaf person gets asked to prom and isn’t the asker so nice to be including them/ that viral video where an interpreter interprets a song/ that viral video where a fake interpreter fake interprets (Yes.)

• I’ll pray for your healing. (Sigh.)

• *While I was pregnant* Don’t worry! My brother-in-law is hearing impaired, but his kids came out normal. (F*ck you, lady!)