TO BOLDLY WATCH WHAT I HAVE NEVER WATCHED BEFORE pt 2
rule #1: fazers on stun
The late Ol’ Dirty Bastard claimed on the “Woo HAH! Got You All in Check” remix that he and Busta Rhymes were “on some outer space shit like you watch Star Trek”, well I’m similar but the opposite, I am watching Star Trek like I was on some outer space shit
S1E5 (again, by Netflix's count, don’t @ me): “The Naked Time”
We start off in some very fetching hazmat suits, with lacy faceshields like a burqa. "Be certain we expose ourselves to nothing," Spock says to random other guy. This bodes well.
One of my favorite things in older SF is the constant references to tapes, I love it so. Less quantum computing, more tapes please.
Meanwhile Joey (aforementioned random other guy) is having a normal one. "What are we doing out here in space?" he asks, and promptly does himself a mischief. Then Sulu starts wilding out with a rapier and it’s dope.
Couple of firsts in this episode: first ever Vulcan neck pinch, and if I’m not mistaken, the first time Scott tells Kirk he can’t do something.
Also, I wasn’t expecting to see Kirk and Spock slapping the shit out of each other this early on in the series—but we’re going backwards in time so maybe this can also make sense.
S1E6: “The Enemy Within”
Sulu has a puppy dog and Geological Technician Fisher (whoever that is) has a booboo. And then oh, shit—there’s another Kirk! A weird, nasty little Kirk.
I love how patently absurd the sfnal concept of “transporter malfunction creates mean opposite guy” is. (I also love Bones’s liquor cabinet with the translucent pink door.)
Later, Weird-Kirk is about to do something ungentlemanly and the whole time I’m thinking, “Has no one noticed the two Kirks are wearing different shirts?”
The “I’m Captain Kirk!” scene is delightful; Shatner is obviously having a blast here. Also, I’m a huge fan of how they take such great, great pains to explain how the phasers are “set and locked to base cycle, stunning power not to kill” like on three separate occasions, as they had not yet developed the shorthand of just pulling an MF Doom and saying “rule number one fazers on stun”
We get some hot Kirk on Kirk action which ends in a vulcan neck pinch.
Final thoughts: Not crazy about this heavy-handed “duality of man” business, Mr Matheson!
S1E7: “Mudd’s Women”
(Spoiler alert for a half-century-old television program)
So they beam in a shady character with a shady mustache, along with three smoking hot dames—if prior episodes are any indication, the women are probably murderous sex aliens of some kind. Meanwhile, the Enterprise is in need of some lithium crystal from Rigel-12.
They interrogate this shady Mudd character, and the lie detector is having none of his shenanigens. Then (predictably) one of the smoking hot dames tries to seduce Kirk but he too is having zero shenanigens.
Things get desperate—"give me the pills"!” one of the dames hollers, made-up to appear noticeably less smoking-hot now. So: not aliens, just addicted to pretty pills!
Things come to a boiling point on Rigel-12, and as always I’m loving these set designs: that magenta-rose-cyan color palette that denotes alien atmosphere. Kirk wanders into the blizzard, pursuing the waif in crisis in her shiny gown. “Eve!” (Of course she is named Eve.)
Turns out her pretty pills have worn off and the Rigelian miner she’s betrothed to is mad cause she’s now an 8.5 instead of a 9.5? Like, have you looked at yourself, dude?
We learn that crockery technology has not advanced much since the 20th century—but wait! The pretty pills are a placebo! I guess beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, is more or less the message.
Final thoughts: Looking back at this last entry I realize what I’ve just done is basically a recap. I’ve become a lowly recapper nooooooo