Being childlike
There is a stigma attached to making mistakes.
“You don’t know what you’re doing.”
“You’re incompetent.”
“You’re making yourself/me look foolish.”
No one wants to be around people who make mistakes. No one likes to be associated with a loser. Everyone wants to be around the person who displays societal indicators of success.
This is wrong. We all know it, we just don’t practice it.
Instead, we should laugh at ourselves for tripping and falling on our face, and then talk to each other until we figure out what the correct action is. We should celebrate the times we took a first step towards something new and learned some lessons because we are always, always learning and taking first steps. We should encourage someone for showing the slightest bit of interest and we should listen whether we agree or disagree.
My girlfriend is really good at this. There are many times where I am being cynical or speaking critically of something or harking on something that went wrong and trying to figure out how to be better next time. And she always without hesitation says, “at least [insert the one positive thing].” Her ability to be childlike and speak with this glow in her eyes, smile on her face, and general happiness of sharing something that’s on her mind from her heart is admirable and inspirational. It makes you want to be around her and take every word she says with care because you know she does the same for you. And for everyone else. And it’s completely genuine. There’s no judgment there. (Or maybe there is and I’m v swooned by her lolol).
I’m the first one to admit that I make a lot of mistakes. Actually, it kind of cripples me. But I would never want to be any other way. Because I wear my mistakes on my sleeves. At 27, I know there’s so much I don’t know. And so this year I’ve gotten much better at quickly admitting I don’t know anything and asking someone to explain those things to me. Or accepting people for when they don’t know things that I do. Or being nice to people when they make a mistake that they think is embarrassing.
People in society (at least the one I grew up in) love talking about how awesome they are.
For better and worse, I go the opposite route. What ends up happening is I talk to elders and listen, and meet people younger than me and can’t stop talking because I want to tell them all they don’t know that I wish I would’ve known. I love talking about how not awesome I am (except to talk trash with my friends). It’s not because I don’t think I have a lot of good qualities, it’s because I don’t like getting in the comfortable, cocky mindset. That I know it all, that I’ve got life figured out, that I’m going somewhere.
I don’t have much figured out. I’m no different now than when I was 5 years old. The main difference is that I’ve learned how to handle myself properly in certain situations.
At 5 years old, I was incredibly nervous to speak to a group of more than 4-5 people.
We all make multiple mistakes every day. Thanks to things like Google, we’re able to do research to lower the probability of us fucking up. Before I make a purchase, I go to Google, Reddit, and elsewhere to see what people think. My research leads to me looking like I’m smart. Really I’m just good at researching.
My researching is also crippling because you can do as much research as you want but eventually you will have to take the step into the unknown and act. Because without actions, we cannot grow. Without actions, we cannot learn how to handle certain situations. Without actions, we don’t have any mistakes to learn from except for one: that we didn’t act at all.
I want to end on this.
When you think about how to be more childlike, start off by thinking about what you were like as a child. There’s a chance you still have similar qualities. I cringe at those qualities all the time.
The second step is to think about a time where you had to make a giant leap. For me, it was standing up when everyone in Mrs. Walker’s kindergarten classroom sang happy birthday to me and I had to say I was 5 years old (or even getting on the bus to go to my first day of kindergarten). It was telling Leslie Morrison in second grade that I had a crush on her. It was telling Michael Jenkins in third grade that the point of golf was to get the most negative score.
What led you to build up the courage and take that leap?
The third step is to do a little research. We still have to seem presentable as “adults,” so ask people around you or go to the internet to figure out how to be successful in that step. For example, are you trying to ask someone for help? Emailing them on Monday at 8 am is the best way to do that because it’ll be the first thing they see. If you’re emailing someone you don’t know, make sure you put in the subject line and first paragraph a common/mutual connection or interest. Offer them something of value that will make them want to meet you on their busy schedule. Make sure you offer them times in your schedule so they can just say yes or no.
The fourth step is to act in only the way that you can.
If people scold you for that instead of offering to help and recognizing that you’re trying to grow, fuck them. If they do offer to help, remember that they did that for you and pay it forward and do it for someone else.