It's life that matters
"It's life that matters, nothing but life—the process of discovering, not the discovery itself, at all. But what's the use of talking? I suspect that all I'm saying now is so like the usual commonplaces that I shall certainly be taken for a lower-form schoolboy sending in his essay on 'sunrise,' or they'll say perhaps that I had something to say, but that I did not know how to 'explain' it. But I'll add though that there is something at the bottom of every new human thought, every thought of genius, or even every earnest thought that springs up in any brain, which can never be communicated to others, even if one were to write volumes about it and were explaining one's idea for thirty-five years; there's something left which cannot be induced to emerge from your brain, and remains with you for ever, and with it you will die, without communicating to anyone perhaps, the most important of your ideas."
—from The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevski
These lines stun me every time. Why is communicating what is nearest to us so embarrassing, and also impossible? I'm tempted to write only for myself forever, so I don't have to deal with these near-constant humiliations. But language is social. This is inescapable. We agree on words and their meanings so we can share, maybe clumsily, the ideas in our heads. Ideas that, by the way, are only possible as far as our language allows.
Anyway, hi. How like me to get so didactic so quickly. I can't believe my last newsletter was 3 years ago. What have I been doing since? On the work side of things, I've co-founded, raised funds for, and sold a company (stressful experience, do not recommend…but I'll try not lie to myself, I'll probably do it again). I've written and printed a book of poetry, which I've shared with my family and a handful of friends. Now I'm wondering what I will do with the big box of books in my closet.
On the personal side, I've traveled near and far, sent a few kids off to college, and have fallen even more in love with making and eating good food. I've deepened my relationships with some very, very good friends. I've fully embraced the part of me that loves the rhythms of personal scholarship. Right now I'm learning how to read Emerson, with guidance from lectures by the late professor Stanley Cavell.
And now? I'm back at &yet as co-CEO. I'm continuing at Tumbleweird as co-Publisher. I’m building a little adventure focused on personal scholarship. I'm working with Adam Avenir (my "co" in business and in life) on a couple of futuristic inventions. I'm doing a little consulting on leadership and growing a company. I'm doing a lot of writing. I have many irons in the fire, probably too many. I'm currently happy with that, although I'm now practicing finishing things and not merely starting them.
The big realization I've had about 2026 is that I'm ready to write for other people again. While writing for myself has helped make it clear what I care about and what I don't, as well as the kind of writer I want to be, it also gets to be stagnant water at a certain point. Or let me practice being more generous with myself and say it gets to be a dam that's about to burst. Language is social. Bravery is required. I'm hoping to practice being brave this year, while somehow continuing to write for "the thing itself" as Virginia Woolf calls it.
What I'm curious about now is what it's like to listen to the world out there rather than only the world inside my head. What are you doing? What have you been interested in? I would love to hear from you, or have you point me to something you're making or something you've written.
Thank you for being here. Until next time,